Bella slithers off the couch, wedges herself beside me, and gives my arm a squeeze. “Not that there’s anything wrong with sex work.”
“Consensual sex work,” Tia clarifies, reaching for a mozzarella stick. “I mean, hell, Bella did a stint as a cam girl for a while.”
“Girl’s gotta eat.” Bella grins, peels the wrapper off a cupcake, and licks the frosting clean from her thumb. “But that’s not what’s going on with you, is it?”
I stare at the tray of lasagna, then at my lap. “It was just me and Papa when I perfumed and had my first heat. It was…” I stop, the words stuck in my throat.
“He’s been selling your heats since you were, what, sixteen?” Estelle asks.
I nod, not knowing how to really answer that.
“That goddamn motherfucker,” Tia spits, mozzarella stick poised like a tiny baton.
“Well, I didn’t know…”
Estelle slices her hand across her throat and regroups. “Doesn’t matter. You know it’s wrong. Past is past. We’re moving forward. What’s happening right now?”
“I think Papa’s in money trouble, and…” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“Look, Babe,” Estelle says, finally pouring herself a glass of wine. “If you want to sell your heat, we’ll help you do that. You can makea lot of money, and we’ll make sure you get hooked up with alphas who’ll make it fun.”
“Not Carlos. His knot is tiny and the beta in his pack? Drools. The boy drools.” Bella rolls her eyes.
“You want your next heat with a certain hockey player, don’t you?” Tia leans across the sticky tabletop, eyes glinting.
My face bursts into flames. I can feel it, the way every blood vessel in my cheeks goes nuclear.
Estelle and Tia exchange a look, eyebrows up.
The panic rises so fast, it makes me dizzy. Eugene the elephant tumbles to the floor as I shove him at Bella, and then the blanket is too much. Everything is too much, too hot, too close. My skin prickles, and I have to get out of it. I rip the blanket off and start clawing at my hoodie.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, calm down,” Estelle says, hands up, “Ash.” Her voice is syrupy, careful, like she’s approaching a spooked animal. “What’s happening?”
I can’t sit. I pace, wild, twisting my hair around my fist until it hurts. The hoodie comes off and lands in a heap.
“I fucked up,” I say. The words come out too loud. “I fucked up so bad.”
“Let’s start at the beginning,” she says, her voice low. “What’s happening with Beckett Hansen? Is he—”
“No, no, no, no,” I cut her off. “Nothing like that. Beckett is fucking wonderful. Beckett is everything an omega could ever want in an alpha. He’s kind, he’s caring, he’s funny, he’s gorgeous, he…” I can’t stop listing. “He’s perfect. I don’t deserve him. Not after what I did.”
“What did you do?” Bella asks from the floor, where she’s now hugging Eugene like a life raft. “It must be good.”
“Oh my god, I am so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.”
Bella’s voice goes soft. “Is it his pack? Did they do something to you?”
“No, you don’t get it,” I say. “It’s me. I did this. I did all of this.”
Suddenly, Estelle is behind me, arms a vise around my ribs. I fight her hold, but she just squeezes tighter, pulling me down into the nest of blankets and girls on the floor.
“Ash,” she says, right in my ear. “Breathe. Tell us what’s happening.”
The words refuse to line up. “It’s Reed,” I say, and I know I’m not making any sense.
“Is that one of his packmates?” Tia asks, blinking.
“Okay. Square one. Who is Reed?”
