He pulls out slowly, settling next to me. For a second, I brace for him to roll away, like all the others have, like he’s done with me and I don’t matter anymore. But he doesn’t. He pulls me closer, tucksme into the crook of his arm, settles my head on his chest. He’s breathing hard, his heart pounding like drums at a rock show.
I lie there, staring at the little red numbers on the digital clock. This feels… wrong. Sex has never felt like this. It’s supposed to be messy and hazy and over before I let myself think. It’s supposed to be something done to me, not something I share. Not something that leaves me wanting more after I’ve already gotten it.
I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what to do with him.
He’s dragging his fingers through my hair, placing little kisses on my forehead.
“Stay right there. Don’t move.” Beckett groans as he slips out of the bed. I’m immediately cold, and I want to cry.
This was stupid. This was a mistake.
He’s back, peeling back the covers, with a damp towel.
“I like making a mess of you.” He’s kissing me as he drags the towel up my thighs and between my legs. Then he settles us on the edge of the bed, where the sheets are cool and dry.
He’s making satisfied noises as he strokes my back and runs fingers through my hair, lazily, like he could be here all night with nothing else to do.
I sit up and plaster a smile on my face. “I should go.” The words come out as if each is its own little sentence.
His dreamy-looking face sharpens into concern.
“Go?”
“I… I have work in the morning, yeah?”
“Stay, I’ll drive you in the morning.” Beckett scoots out of bed right along with me.
I snatch my panties off the floor, grimacing as I step into them. I hate wearing wet panties. I struggle into my dress, contorting myself to reach the zipper. His warm hands fall on mine and pulls it up for me.
“Are you all right?” Beckett asks, once the zipper is zipped tight. He’s behind me, hands at my waist. I know I could fall back into him, and his arms would wrap around me.
My mind is still reeling, full of static and humming. I scan for my shoes, spot them kicked beneath the low table, and slide my feet in. Where’s my bag? I spy it on the floor by his shoes. I reach for it, but Beckett’s arm snakes around my waist and draws me back into him.
“Ash,” he says, low and soft. “Are you okay? Did I do something?”
I suck in a breath, then another. “I’m perfectly fine. That was wonderful.” My voice cracks at the end, so I clear my throat. “I just… didn’t anticipate this going like this. You know, with the sex and stuff. I have a breakfast shift tomorrow.”
He smiles at that. He has a tooth missing on the left side. He tips my chin up with his index finger and presses the softest kiss to my lips. He doesn’t let go, just shifts his grip to my shoulder as he fumbles in his coat pocket for his phone.
“Let me get you a rideshare,” he says. He hands me the phone so I can type in my address. I’m shocked I even remember it. Before I can hand it back, he taps a few more times to get to his text messages.
“Type in your number so I can call you tomorrow. We have cake to eat.”
Alarm bells clang in my head. I shouldn’t do this. This is too much. All a stupid idea. I should walk away, forget about Beckett, forget about Pierce and Liam. But my thumbs are already moving, typing in my number. I grab my coat, sling it over my arm, and turn toward the door.
Beckett catches me with a hand on my upper arm. I brace myself. I know what’s going to happen next.
“Ash,” he says again, and kisses me one more time. And that kiss somehow hurts more than the smack that should have come.
I duck out, heart pounding, and jog down the hallway, hammering the elevator button until the doors open with a soft chime.
Chapter fifteen
ASH
Thecoffeecupslamsdown right in front of me. I’m leaning on the counter on my elbows, and the force sloshes the coffee in the mug. Estelle grips it by the handle and swipes at the little spill with a bar mop before I can even react.
“Babe, the date must have been hella good if you’re walking around looking like a zombie.” She chuckles as she pushes the sugar toward me. I take five packets out and tear into them with my teeth.
