I needed him.
I needed Chandra my friend. The Asura he was now. My kin. Not the Asura he’d been to an older incarnation of me.
It was harsh to think it, but Vayelle was gone. She’d had her time and lived her story, and now it was my turn.
I had a chance to get my love back, a chance for a do-over, and I wasn’t going to risk it by alienating someone as valuable as Chandra.
Yeah, it wasn’t just about feelings. It was about need and logic and not cutting off your nose to spite your face.
He sighed softly. “I wanted to talk to you?—”
“It’s all right.” I cut him off with a smile. “We can leave the past in the past.”
He dropped his chin, his shoulders rising and falling “You’re wise and magnanimous, and Leela, I am so grateful for your forgiveness, but there is more I need to tell you.” He licked his lips. “Before we face the primordial evil, I need to tell you the part that I played in his incarceration.”
What the fuck? I stared at him. “You…you helped capture him?”
“Yes.”
“What is wrong with you? Do you make a point of locking away people who have a purpose to…wait…” The primordial evilhad been locked away eons ago. Chandra was old, but was he that old? “How oldareyou?”
“You’re not the only one who has been reborn, Leela.”
I turned to face him, a cold shiver climbing my spine. The revelation that he’d betrayed Vayelle had rocked me, but it hadn’t changed how I saw him, not truly, but my gut told me that whatever he was about to tell me now would change my whole perception of him.
“Okay, I’m listening. Who were you?”
“Notwere. Are. Because who I am…the core of me never changes despite the flesh I wear.” He took a deep breath. “I am Vritra.”
Chapter 33
TRUTH BOMBS AND REVELATIONS
There was a part of me that recognized that I should be shocked. That this revelation that Chandra was Vritra should have had me reeling, but after everything that had happened, this truth did nothing to shake me. Instead, I found a laugh bubbling up my throat.
I set it free, and it was joined by another, then another until I was doubled over, gasping for breath, tears blurring my vision.
“It’s all right!” Chandra said, to me or to someone else, I wasn’t sure. I was too busy trying to regain my composure, or maybe not. Maybe I’d ride this wave of wholly inappropriate emotions because damn it felt good to laugh. To truly belly laugh until my chest hurt. “It’s all right.” Chandra made soothing circles on my back, his words solely for me this time.
A sob ate away the laughter, and tears spilled hot down my cheeks. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I pulled away from Chandra’s touch, moving further down the ship. Away from him. This was his fault. All his fucking revelations, messing with my emotions. Unbalancing my equilibrium.
“Leela…” C’ael enveloped me in a hug from behind, and I caught the barest hint of cranberry on the wind. I inhaled it greedily, relaxing into the embrace. “It’s all right. I’ve got you.”
I breathed deep and found my center, and an ache that was too much. Just…too much.
Chandra approached, his shadow kissing mine. I tensed.
“Not now,” C’ael snapped. “We’ll come to you.”
He retreated, and I relaxed.
Long minutes passed as the sky lightened. I closed my eyes and tipped my face up to the sun, allowing it to warm my chilled skin and seep into my bones to dispel this twisted, awful feeling that wanted to take up residence inside me.
“I’ve got you,” C’ael said again. “It’s going to be all right.”
Fresh tears tracked down my cheeks. “I’m tired, C’ael. And yes, I know I’m not the only one fighting. Our friends are out there right now doing whatever it takes to survive, but…I’m tired. So fucking tired.”
