Nani placed a bowl of lentils in front of me. “Eat up. You’ll need your strength.” A sense of déjà vu washed over me. A sense of wrongness. Of displacement.
This was a dream.
The door to the garden opened, and my pulse quickened.
Araz.
I shot to my feet and was halfway across the room before he stepped inside. He caught me in his arms, burying his face in the crook of my neck as the dream kitchen misted and reformed into our clearing.
He pulled back and plied me with soft, aching kisses that spoke of longing and distance, and…goodbyes?
I pressed my palm to his chest and pushed him away a little. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
The dark smudges beneath his eyes and the sallow sheen to his skin begged to differ.
“We promised to be honest with each other, remember?”
He nodded slowly. “You’re right. He’s getting stronger. I won’t stop fighting him. You know that. But this is the last time I can reach for you like this. It’s too risky and too…draining.”
I curled my fingers around his nape. “You don’t have to. I’m coming to you.” I cupped his face, fire behind my eyes, an inferno in my chest. “We’re a day away from the mainland, and once we get there, we’ll be mere hours from the sky city. Hold on for me, love. Stay close to the core. Just a little longer.”
He smiled, that beloved lopsided smile that dimpled his cheek. “I love your ferocity. Your determination. Your fire.” He stroked my cheek. “I love you, Leela. Always.”
It was another goodbye, and heat spiked in my blood. “No, Araz. This is not a preemptive goodbye.”
His throat bobbed, and he dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re too damn perceptive, woman.”
“Yeah, and I’m stubborn and strong-willedandselfish when it comes to you. If I have to choose between you and the world, Iwillchoose you.”
His eyes flared wide. “Leela…”
I shook my head, tears stinging the back of my eyes. “I don’t care anymore, Araz. I don’t care about being a hero and saving everyone. I’ve lost so much, so many people. I deserve this…us. I deserve to keep you.”
His breath warmed my lips. “I know you mean that in this moment. I know you love me with every fiber of your being, and I love you too, with the same eternal flame. But I also know your heart.” He kissed me softly. “Your beautiful, strong, loving heart. And I know you willalwaysdo what is right. You will do what needs to be done, and that is why I love you.”
The pressure of his fingers ebbed.
“No…” I tried to hold on to him as he misted away, taking the clearing with him and leaving me to be swallowed by the suffocating darkness of slumber.
The night skyjust before dawn broke was my favorite time of day on the cloud ship. These moments before the sun broke cover and spilled its rays across the vastness of the heavens were filled with the deep silence and infinite possibilities of the liminal spaces.
Had the civilians who’d walked the decks of this ship felt the beauty of this moment before they’d been unmade?
I sensed C’ael watching me from his sleep pallet across the deck. Once again, we bunked beneath the stars, but after three days, he knew that I needed these moments alone. He didn’t join me, but today I kind of wished that he had.
My dream encounter with Araz had left me uneasy, and now I couldn’t stop thinking about all the djinn and Asura who’d been unmade by the primordial evil. Zarael and Jaantor had been spared, and our only conclusion was it was because they didn’t belong to this world. Their lives couldn’t be ended without upsetting the balance. The attack, the unmaking, had left them and their ship intact but unwoven, everyone on board throwing them off course in the process.
Any empathy I could have mustered for the primordial evil was dead. He had to be stopped. He had to be contained. I would not lose anyone else. Fate, balance, all of it be damned. The universe would heal from our survival. I was sure it was more resilient than to collapse because of it, and if that was selfish, then so fucking be it.
We’d be at the vortex before the end of day. The devouring force camp was on the way, so we could check for Ravi andKalani and the brothers. We’d bring them and any allies they might have mustered on board with us.
“May I join you?” Chandra asked softly, coming to stand beside me.
“Sure.”
We hadn’t revisited what he’d told me on Shantivan, about his betrayal of Vayelle. There’d been a few moments when I’d felt him trying to steer the conversation toward it, but I’d diverted us. I hadn’t been ready to go back to it or examine my feelings through the lens of that revelation.
