My heart tugged, and I was on my feet before I could question it.
“Leela?” Pashim frowned up at me.
“I’ll be right back.” I followed Priti, catching up to her before she reached the entrance to the cave. “Hey…Are you okay? Truly?”
She smiled softly. “It’s so like you to check. To care. I’m fine. I feel…whole in a way I didn’t when I was alive no matter who I surrounded myself with. There was always this sense of…separation. Even with those I loved the most.” She reached up and lightly touched my cheek. “You’re wondering why I haven’t asked about the others. About Dharma and Keyton and Joe?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
“Because there is no purpose in my knowing. They are no longer a part of my spiral, but you are…for now.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“You don’t need to. Now get some rest.” She made to turn away, then stopped. “When you do see them…tell them I’m all right. That I’m on the path meant for me and that they should walk the road paved for them.”
“Even Keyton? You loved him.”
“Yes, I did. I loved him with all my heart. But that mortal version of me who loved with all her heart is gone.” She sighed again. “I’ll see him when it’s his time. I’ll make sure I’m there to greet him. Now get some rest. You’re going to need it.” Her eyes went misty and faraway. “When the time comes, you will stand against him alone.”
A shiver skated up my spine. “What?”
She shook her head. “Go rest. I need to be alone for a while.”
She was Priti, but she was more. She was Death, and that…that had to change a soul.
I went back to the fire.
Pashim looked up at me. “Come, let me make you comfortable. I’ll watch over you while you sleep.”
Watch over me? No, I wanted him,neededhim closer. “Will you lie with me?”
It was selfish of me to ask. I knew how he felt about me, but life was too short for regrets, and I’d regret if I didn’t take this opportunity to be close to him. Yeah, it was selfish, and I didn’t care, because who knew what tomorrow might bring. All we had was now.
He stared at me, his mouth parted slightly.
Fuck, maybe it was too much of an ask. “It’s okay, I’ll just?—”
“Yes,” he said softly, cutting off my retraction. “Nothing would make me happier than to lie with you tonight and any other night that may be gifted to us.”
The knots in my chest eased, and I settled on the bedroll. He lay behind me, his chest to my back, warming my body with his, but I wanted to see his face. To feel his breath on my cheek.
I turned in his arms, palms pressed to his chest, chin tipped up to take him in. “I missed you…”
He let out a soft huff. “I missed you too, Leela. So very much.”
Words I couldn’t say. Words I shouldn’tsay tangled on my tongue, and the bitter truth of it, the thing I’d been trying to escape for the longest time, rose to the surface.
“Pashim, I?—”
“I know,” he said softly. “I’ve always known, and I understand.”
I searched his face, my vision blurring. “It’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it?”
“No, Leela. It’s a testament to the vastness of your heart. To the expansive love that resides there, and I am honored to have felt the edge of its heat.” He kissed my forehead. “I do not regret it, and I will carry it with me always. This ember you lit will be the measure of each flame that comes forward in the future.”
And I wanted that for him. Wanted him to find the one who could love him wholly without guilt or confusion. I loved him enough to let him go.
There was no need to say anything else. I tucked my head beneath his chin and settled down, eyes fluttering closed.
