She winced, but there was a smile hidden in it. “We were some of the first vayujaari born here. The new generation. We’d never seen our true home, and so this became our world. On our home world, we would have been kept separate. Living in specific regions and meeting only for summits. But here, those of us who survived the crossing lived together, and vayujaarilike Jaantor and me, born here, were trained together. Learned together. After a while, we fell in love. But even though we were in a new world, the old laws stood. We could notbetogether. Rootborn, emberheart, stormbound, frostviel, and tidecarver must remain separate in genealogy for when it came time to return to our world. The delineation is balance.” She smiled wryly. “And so we buried our feelings and existed.”
“That’s so unfair.”
“I suppose it is. But it is how the collective survives. We are bonded to our race in a way that makes us integral to the whole. If they would have allowed Jaantor and me to mate, then it would have corrupted both our collectives. But now that we have been excised, our love doesn’t corrupt the collective.”
“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you ask for excision before?”
“We did, but it was denied. Jaantor and I are generals. Powerful warriors. We’re assets that they couldn’t afford to release. I guess now that there is hope of returning home, hope for the collectives, the elders can afford to show benevolence.”
“So you can die now?”
“We could die before, but not by any means available in this world.”
“I’m surprised the Authority didn’t make you fight the devouring force.”
“Yes…I often wondered why we were never called to the front lines. I always assumed there was a clause in the oath, some loophole that allowed us to avoid direct contact, but now I wonder if the Authority suspected our immunity to their lies. That they played along with our feigned ignorance but kept us away from the line of fire. From the Asura and demigods that we may have revealed the truth to.”
“And you never said a word because you needed refuge for your people?”
“Yes, refuge and peace. Truth be told, we are not powerful beings, not on our world. But here…the air…the sun…it loans us abilities we do not have in our home world.”
It reminded me of several comic book superheroes, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“You know, if you wanted a distraction from the cloud ship, then you could have asked me about Vayelle. About my friendship with her…with you back then.”
“The forbidden romance was much more alluring.”
She laughed. “I suppose it is.” She flicked a glance my way. “You can ask me about her, you know. I’m happy to tell you what I know.”
Did I want to know about who I’d been? About the warrior. The woman who could shoot arrows with her eyes closed and hit the mark every fucking time. Honestly, I was a little intimidated by past me. But curious too.
“All right, tell me how you and I met.”
“You insisted on learning how to wield a sword,andyou insisted on the best trainer they could find. You wanted a woman to train you in the art of swordplay because you knew that there would be a difference in methodology. I was the best back then, and I was summoned to aid you. We became friends quickly, and even once I had taught you all I knew, we remained thus.”
“And Chandra?”
“He was there before me. An emissary who you’d befriended. He was there often at the keep. And I…”
“What?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Oh, you can’t do that. Leave me dangling like that.”
“I don’t want to say something that may not be true.”
“But you think it is?”
“I believed it to be at the time…” She smiled softly, her mercury eyes clouding. “I believed Chandra to be very much in love with you.”
My heart skipped a beat. “What? I mean…did he say something?”
“No. It was in the way I would catch him looking at you when you weren’t aware. The soft longing. The yearning. But he knew that you didn’t feel the same way. I believe he valued your friendship too much to shadow it by expressing his desires.”
“And then I married Ilyarien.”
“Yes…yes you did, indeed, but only when he bested you in a sparring match. Your father wanted you wed, but you were adamant that you would only marry a male who could best you in swordplay.” She laughed softly. “Chandra had no chance, and he knew it. Many males came and tried, but you beat them all, and do you know why? Do you know what the consensus was amongst them as to the reason that they failed?”
