I moved toward him, and he slid his chair back. “Don’t. I can’t.” He swallowed hard. “You smell too good.”
I relaxed back against the pillows. “I’m sorry.”
He dropped his chin and took a couple of deep breaths before speaking again. “I wanted you to know. To understand why I’ll have to keep a distance.”
“I understand.” Even though it left me feeling hollow and empty. “I just… I hope that in time we can be friends.”
He lifted his head, a wry smile on his beautiful lips. “No. Ana. I can’t be your friend. Not when all I can think about is pressing you into the mattress and marking you over and over until you’re mine.” His knuckles whitened and his thighs bunched, and for a moment I thought he’d leap onto the bed and act out his words, and my stomach warmed with need. But he reined in his emotions, standing slowly, fingers flexing. “I should go.”
I nodded, lost for words.
He stopped in the doorway, his back to me. “You’re in my Advanced Combat class next month. I won’t see you outside of that, and when I do, things will be different. Goodbye, Anamaya.”
He closed the door behind him. Closed it on any possibility of an us, and that was fine. It didn’t matter.
Then why the fuck did it hurt?
I pulled up the sheets, snuggled down, and closed my eyes. I needed a reset, and sleep was the best way to do that.
* * *
I lovebedtime stories with Father. He does all the voices, and he always allows one more chapter. I love how safe he makes me feel, and how his dark eyes light up with smiles when he looks at me. But tonight, we’ve come to the end of the book, and he closes it with a sigh. “The End.”
“But is it?” I sit up straighter. “Won’t Penelope have more adventures?”
“Maybe,” he says with a secretive smile. “Maybe there is another book.”
I let out a squeal. “Where? Where is it?”
He chuckles and ruffles my hair. “We can start it when I’m back from my trip.”
I pout. “Do you have to go?”
“Yes, darling. I do. But it’s the last trip, and then I’ll be back, and I won’t ever leave you again.”
“You promise?”
He holds up his pinkie. “I promise.”
“But he did leave you. He left forever,”the rook says from the windowsill.
“Go away. I want to stay here.”
“You can’t. You know you can’t. You have to move forward. You have a job to do, and I can help you. Let me show you. Let me show you so that we can begin.”
My childhood bedroom melts away, and I’m outside Bramble Tower, looking at my window, lit softly by lamplight.
“This way.” The rook flies over my head. “Can you see?”
A girl stands by the pavilion up ahead. Her dark hair falls over her shoulders, sleek and glossy, and her blue eyes are bright and eager.
“Hello?” I hurry closer. “Hello, who are you?”
“You know who she is,”the rook says. “You know…”
Her form flickers, and she’s no longer sleek-haired and bright-eyed, but gray-skinned with dark holes for eyes. Her head is tipped at an impossible angle, and her hair is a rat’s nest of tangles.
“Find me…” she whispers.
