“Thank you,” I say, lifting the edge of the blanket, asking him to join me. I had no idea so much time had passed. He slides into the spot, hissing at the cool material bleeding into his jeans. But I curl against his warm body, humming contentedly when he reaches for the bowl of food and offers it to me. Nicky doesn’t say anything as I munch through the delicious chicken and vegetables, sticky-sweet sauce clinging to my lips when I finish the bowl.
“I want to quit my job,” I tell him after he’s taken the empty bowl from my hands. “I don’t love it anymore.”
Nicky’s arms wrap around me, strong and comforting all at once, just like him. His lips find my temple, brushing a kiss there.
“What do you love?” he asks.
“You. Natalia,” I admit, honestly. Like a dam has burst inside me, every truth I’ve kept back flows free. “Every day I’m at work, I wish I was at home. I wish I was doing drop-off and pick-up. I wish I was tagging along on field trips and spending afternoons at the park. Or having lunch with you. Taking lazy showers together in the middle of the afternoon. I wish I was with my family. It’s everything I didn’t have growing up, and I want it now. With you.”
“Okay,” Nicky says. He looks down at me, the warmth in his soft smile giving me reassurance that I’m making the right decision. “Then that’s what you’ll do.”
CHAPTER 28
NICKY
The arena lights reflect off the white surface of the ice, making the entire rink blindingly bright. I’m crouched in the paint of my goal, muscles strung tight, like a bow ready to lose an arrow. Through the slats of my mask, I see the other team’s forwards pressing into the zone. They line up, one after the other, to take shots at me. The slapshots fire fast, and as prepared as I am, time slows down, and I can’t move.
I wave my blocker to try and protect myself, but it’s gone. My glove, on the other hand, is also missing. I’m exposed, and each hit of a puck feels like a sledgehammer to the chest. I try to turn away, give myself some protection from the rapid pain spreading from their point of impact. It’s centered over my heart, and with each hit, the world grows darker.
I can’t feel my heartbeat anymore, and my breath deflates from me with excruciating accuracy. I lose focus, the world fading as fast as my ability to stay on my skates, but there are more shapes of players, more exacting hits from pucks launched at me.
The ice offers no cushion when I land on it, unyielding and cold. My thoughts turn to Natalia and Bea. My beautiful girls are watching from the stands tonight. They’re just beyond the glass, but I can’t see them. Yet, I know they’re watching. They can see this nightmare play out, all of us helpless.
I try to crawl to them, even as I know I won’t make it. My arms weigh more than I can lift. My legs seem to have frozen to the ice. I can’t make it to them. I can’t hold them and make it better. I can’t tell them I love them.
All that is left is to cry and close my eyes as the crowd chants my name.
“Nicky!”
“He’s not waking up!”
“I think he’s trying to move, let go of his arms!”
With a jolt, everything snaps back like a rubber band. My eyes fly open to the bedroom in the cabin, my body slamming back into me as I sit, tangled in the sheets of the bed I fell asleep in. Every light in the room is on, and I can feel eyes on me. Lots of them.
“There he is.” Charlie’s fingers uncurl from around my bicep on my right side. On the left, shifting off the mattress is Gus, face pale and hair a mess. The entire room is full of shocked faces, some half awake, some alert, and all fixed on me. But one stands out more than the others.
Bea hovers just beyond my feet, a knee on the mattress and tears in her eyes. Her smile is watery and tremulous. My gut clenches, and I reach for her. Without hesitation, she flies into my hold and sighs.
“I’m so sorry.” Not because I fully understand what happened, but for putting that look on her face. For the way she shakes in my arms, even as she runs soothing hands up and down my back.
“It was a nightmare, that’s all,” she starts. “You had no idea what was going on. I was just afraid you were going to hurt yourself. You started flailing your arms and trying to crawl off the bed.” She pulls back enough to look me in the eyes. “It’s never happened before, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I got help.”
Bea leans back, the implication clear that the entire cavalry showed up at her call. A storm of emotion rises within me, turning my sweat-soaked skin clammy. Embarrassment tries to swallow the rest, but I push it down, focusing on the break in the clouds and the shining light of gratefulness instead. I hold it tightly, letting it ground and guide me when I look at all of them.
“Thank you,” I say, repeating it once more just for Bea before I shift her off my lap. “I think we should talk if everyone is up for it.”
“Hell, I don’t think Icouldgo back to sleep,” Leo muses from his spot by the door. “Don’t even know what time it is.”
“Late. Or early, I guess. Three a.m. is the weird hour,” Crosby states, reaching for Violet. She folds into his embrace and smiles encouragingly at me. “But whatever you need.”
“I’ll put on some coffee?” Maeve offers.
“I can help with that.” Charlie surprises me, but follows her out of the room. Leo spins when they pass and trails after them. I swing my eyes to Gus, who’s managed to pull his hair into a bun and is nodding at something Obie has said.
“Yeah, absolutely,” Gus supplies when he looks up at me. “We’ll be in the living room whenever you’re ready.”
Everyone else treks out of the bedroom, leaving me alone with Bea, who slides off the bed and digs in our suitcase, extracting my favorite tee. She comes back with it, offering the worn shirt to me. I use my hold on the material to pull her closer, slipping my hand into her thick curls, the strands tanglingbetween my fingers. Leaning our foreheads together, I breathe her in.
