Panicking, he tells me, “I can’t go against Leo’s orders.”
His voice shakes but I couldn’t give a fuck. I’m getting out of this club whether he opens the gate or not.
“Last chance. Are you going to open the gate?”
I release the safety and he’s all too quick to answer. “Yes!”
Letting go of him, I shove him toward the gate and head back to my bike. I ride out and inhale the fresh fucking air, needing to let the fight with Lana stay behind.
I had nowhere in particular I was heading, but when I turn into the cemetery, it’s no mistake.
Usually I would park up and walk around to the Lost Souls burial plots, but today, I cruise on my bike. I stop in front of Slade’s, next to India’s, and kill the engine. Digging out my smokes, I light one and inhale deeply.
“Everything’s fucked, brother.” I take another drag on the cigarette, exhaling heavily as I say, “It still hasn’t sunken in you’re gone. Sometimes I can lie to myself that you’re at home with that uptight old lady of yours.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I can’t afford to let out any more tears. “I need to turn back time. I need to go back and keep the gavel, keep you alive. Fuck, besides Sparky, you were my first friend. You, you fucker, you were loyal to me. I never had to question you, though I never trusted anyone.” I drain the rest of the cigarette in two puffs and flick the butt across the gravel path. “I can’t see how the club comes back from this and it scares me fuckin’ crazy.”
Flexing my hands into fists, I struggle to remember the last time I threw a punch. I retired from the gavel and along withthat, it’s been a while since I've had to act in a certain manner. I've become lazy and content. I've become my worst nightmare.
I intend on going to apologise to Alannah when I see all the bikes parked up. For a split second it takes me back to the old days when the club was alive and thriving. It disappears as fast as it came and I head into the bar. I could cut the tension with a knife. I join Sparky at the bar and tap my finger for a whiskey.
“I was wonderin’ when you were gonna join me,” Sparky says.
“I went to the cemetery.”
He throws back a tequila, and tells me, “If I keep my eyes closed and keep drinkin’ enough of this,” he holds up his glass. “I can go back in time.”
“Wish it were possible, brother.”
A prospect passes me a whiskey and I shoot it back in one gulp.
“We’re the only two left. Me and you. It ain’t right.”
I should have gone home to Alannah. I'm already thinking what he is saying. It's like he’s in my head.
Glancing over my shoulder, Leo is sat with JJ and he’s openly watching everyone. I glance around the brothers and they’re on guard.
A shadow fills the corner of my eye and I side-glance to see Tack next to me.
“You’ve gotta talk to your boy, Cas.”
“I ain’t got to do shit, and that boy, is your president.”
Sighing gruffly, he continues to piss me off. “This shit ain’t right. Do something.”
“The only thing I’m gonna do is take out my gun and blow your fuckin’ head off if you don’t fuck off.”
My threat works. He slides off the stool and leaves my sight.
“Everyone wants to talk. Talk, talk, talk,” Sparky spits out, adding, “Slade ain’t talkin’ though, is he. Dex ain’t. Shane ain’t.”
“So let’s drink in silence,” I mutter.
6
Holly
Roman finally drifted off for his nap and Wolf is content in my arms drinking his milk. He is a good baby and I wonder if he notices he is with a stranger when he should be with his daddy. Or his mommy. My heart breaks for him.
My phone rings and Rayna’s name flashes across the screen.
