“You’re closest to Leo, you need to make sure his mind is clear with every decision he makes.”
I lean back in my chair and sigh. “Cas, you’re talking like you don’t know your own boy.”
“It’s not about that,” he grunts. “I’m talking about this club surviving by a thread. One more wrong move and it’s over. The Lost Souls will be... lost.”
His words follow me back to Leo’s. The house is asleep as I creep up the stairs and let myself into the room Harper’s sleeping in. I undress and climb into bed. “Hey,” she murmurs still half asleep.
“Hey.”
I pull her back against me and wrap my legs around hers. Once in position, I know I'm truly home. Harper burning down our house across the way was never the home I needed. It's her. She's my home, so wherever she is, is where my home is.
“I checked on our boy, he’s safe and sleeping.”
“Good. I spoke with him before he went to bed.”
She shuffles away from me and rolls onto her back. Even in the darkness, I can see the grief plaguing her. Her eyes scream as her lips softly purse together.
“You won’t hurt as much given time.”
“It’s funny, you’d think I'd be used to it, but being with you and having Gunner, I forgot to keep my guard up.”
I sigh. “You didn’t forget, babe, you haven’t needed to have it up.”
“I did though.” Her stubbornness is shining through. “Have I told you that when I was eleven, Lily was with a guy called Jake the Snake. He didn’t have a snake, but it wasn’t long before we learned it was him who was the snake. He threw her around and one night, her screams were different to the other times. I grabbed the phone and hid in the pantry. I called Slade. He always knew what to do, how to help. I used to think he was a superhero because he was always saving us. I didn’t know it at the time but one of the neighbours had called the police.
“By the time Slade showed up with Sparky, Jake had already made bail, and Lily had let him back into the house. I don’t knowif they knew I was watching, but they kicked his ass so bad. Slade made us pack and we left town that night. We never went back. I knew then that no matter what happened in the world, my uncle would save us.”
She wipes away the tear that rolls down from the corner of her eye.
“Then I met you and though you were an asshole at first, I saw in you what I knew in Slade.”
“You can still trust in that.”
She curls up against me and doesn’t say a word. I don’t push her and wait for her to fall asleep before I do.
5
Cas
My favourite place to sit in the mornings is out front on my porch as the sun is rising, and the night chill turns to morning warmth. I get to watch the day begin over the club I fucking love and watch it come to life when brothers wake and show up. All I see now is blood and death. The club has been built on blood for years but not Slade’s, not Dex’s, not our blood. I can’t shake the heaviness pressing down on me. I can’t sleep and couldn’t bear to lie beside Lana and disturb her. I couldn’t bring myself to go out front and face the memories, so I sat out in the back yard when I woke. I couldn’t say how long I’ve been out here, but my half drunken coffee is long cold and I’m nearly out of cigarettes. My chest crackles with every breath I take, too many cigarettes smoked in a short amount of time. I spent years kicking the habit, but I wasn’t going to fight it as I stood over my brothers’ bodies. I light another and hold down the nicotine until it hurts. I felt nothing when Micheal died. I was wounded when Oak was killed, and he has stayed with me for years. But to lose Ricky and Pope, and now Slade, Dex, and Shane, it seems all my karma has hit them instead of me.
The back door opens and Lana steps out.
“Is this you back on the smokes permanently?”
I shrug. “I have no fuckin’ idea.”
“How much sleep did you get last night?”
“Not much.”
She hovers in front of me with something on her mind. I know her too well not to see that she wants to ask me something.
“What is it, babe?”
She sits beside me. “What’s going on with you and Leo?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
