“We can still do it. Cooking for one does get a little old.” Did I sound as casual as I hoped? Would he brush me off? Let me down easy?
“Sure.”
Pleasure infused warmth into my blood. Moving wasn’t looking as dismal as before. “Poppy invited us for Christmas. Daisy and Alder will be there. Lily and Eliot are going to his sister’s place, and Evander and Violet will be hanging with his parents. Jasper’s going to stay at the ranch in Buffalo Gully so the staff that hasn’t moved yet can have the holiday off.”
“She invited me too?”
I was about to say he was a part of the family, but that was changing. Yet, he was one of us. He fit too well, and even if he didn’t, I couldn’t let him weather the holidays by himself, not after I knew how he grew up. “Of course. Consider yourself an honorary Duke.”
His hesitant smile cut straight through my chest wall to my heart. Did he realize how much it meant to me that he liked being around my parents and siblings? He knew the names of my nieces and nephews, and he was going to live with my brother. I had intended to ensure that I didn’t mess up his business. I wouldn’t interfere. But if I could make him feel welcome and like he had his own people? That was more than I could ask for.
Yet it wasn’t all I wanted to ask for.
If I could get one thing for Christmas, it would be Sullivan Wagner.
His smile faded, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I, uh, actually have plans.”
“Oh.” A stabbing pain went through my chest. I couldn’t blame it on the baby. The pain was too high. Too close to my heart. “Good. That’s good.”
His brow crinkled, but he selected another chunk of sugar cookie. “I hate to miss your cookie salad.”
I chuckled and stirred the pasta into the sauce. My appetite was returning, thanks to this chat with Van. “I’ll pay you in cookie salad to babysit.”
His jaw clenched mid-chew. “Yes,” he said after he swallowed. “That’ll work. You don’t owe me though.”
“I know,” I said quietly. And there went my hunger again. “I know.”
Dinner was fairly quiet. Van chowed into his meal, and I ate more than I thought I would. Afterward, we both did the dishes and then retired to the couch to watch a movie. He sat in his spot, and I tucked myself against the armrest.
The cloud over my head grew darker with each passing hour. Soon it was time for bed. Van tapped his fingers on his leg. The remote was between us, but neither one was going for it.
“I suppose we should get to bed.” Why did my voice have to sound so small?
“Yeah. Early day.”
“We actually have to leave the house.” My thready chuckle got lost in his weak one. I might as well address the elephant holding divorce papers in the room. “Is it weird that I’m not looking forward to it?” I waved my hand to gesture to the whole room. “Leaving this.”
“And the sex.”
“I will miss that too.”
He tugged my feet out from where they were curled under me. “One more time for the road?”
“Only one?” Some of the anxiety retreated, and I stretched out under him. He shut the TV off and tossed the remote onto the end table.
“I could muster two.” He rolled my leggings down. Cool air wafted over my legs. “But I don’t want you tired for tomorrow. It’s going to be a busy day.”
I’d rather be tired and distracted for tomorrow. I yanked his shirt off. We were in leisurewear, cozy and comfortable and easily accessible. It took both of us to get his pants down. Soon we were naked, and he went one step further and put a blanket under me. He was so sweet and thoughtful. I would miss— No, I would not think about that. I would not be sad on our last night in the house. He’d helped me get on my feet. This was a celebration.
My head would convince the ache in my chest later.
“You got big plans?” I cradled him between my legs.
“I’ve got wet plans—for you.” He pushed to his knees and shoved mine wider apart. The stricken look that passed through his features happened so fast I nearly missed it. It echoed what I felt inside.
He looked at me like he would never see me again.
I lightly scored my nails down his chest and abdomen.
