I drank in the grin she flashed me as she was cozy and tucked in not far from me. I pulled up the movie. Once I got it linked to the TV, I dug out M&M’s from my luggage.
She sat up so fast her covers slipped down. “You have candy!” Smashing her fingers against her lips, she grimaced. “I’m going to get us kicked out.”
“I’ll take the blame.” Gladly, if I could get that reaction from her. I doled out the candy and grabbed a sparkling juice from the fridge.
She wiggled until her back was against the headboard. “This baby is going to get used to late-night junk food gorging.”
“Just fill the bottles with Gatorade. It’ll be fine.”
“Instead of pureed carrots, I’ll just sub it for some butterscotch pudding.”
“Late-night snack of champions.”
She wrinkled her nose but laughed.
I hit play while my mind spun. Being playful like this? Was this how it should be? Joking with her about the baby? What if it was my baby she was pregnant with?
Why couldn’t it be?
I kept my gaze glued to the TV. That question was loaded with so many what-ifs, I couldn’t tackle it. Clover and I were giving each other a hand, thanks to our vows, but it was never supposed to be about any of that. If we changed things, it would become complicated. We had our plan. She was looking for apartments. Divorce papers were getting written up.
Simple.
Easy peasy.
Fucking divorce papers. My fingers twitched to rip them up, and they were likely still a concept on some lawyer’s computer.
We watched the movie, and Clover yawned through the whole thing, slipping farther down in the bed. I mostly paid attention to the screen and not the alluring woman only feet away.
She laid her head on the pillow as the credits rolled. “Sorry, I’m not super exciting tonight. All that fresh air tuckered me out. Must be the first-trimester fatigue.”
We hiked a few miles, and while it was over fairly mild terrain, the weather had been chilly and rainy. I shut the TV off. “Get some rest, Clover. Good night.”
“Night, Van.”
I put my laptop away and shut off the light.
Her steady breathing lulled me, but sleep didn’t come. I stayed on my back and stared at the dark ceiling. Clover huffed out a breath and flopped to her other side. I could make out her curvy outline in the dark, but the more I looked…the more I looked. Gritting my teeth, I forced my attention back to the dark ceiling. My back began to ache.
I flipped to my side, my back to Clover to keep from taunting myself. I counted backward from a hundred three times, tensed and relaxed all my muscles until it became its own workout, and inhaled, held, and exhaled my breath until I got lightheaded. Going through all the tricks, I could not shut my brain off.
Flopping to my back, I huffed out a sigh.
The other bed shifted. “Can’t sleep?”
Aw, hell. I bothered her. “Sorry, did I wake you?”
“No. I thought for sure I’d pass out right away, but I closed my eyes and nothing.”
“Same.”
“Maybe it’s being all alone in this giant bed.”
I chuckled. “A double doesn’t do it for you?”
“Maybe it’s the pillow wall I’m missing. What about you?”
“I don’t know. My mind is whirling. You should’ve made me hike farther.”
