Now I had Celeste wrapped securely in my arms as we stared into space. For the first time in years, I felt complete. I was falling for a woman who seemed to be the missing piece to my puzzle. Anything she needed, I’d be there. The only problem was I didn’t know how I would react when she went back to Spinna’s crib. I believed her when she told me they no longer had sex or slept together, but I didn’t want her under the eye of anothernigga at all. She was my responsibility and I wouldn’t play with Spinna’s ass.
CHAPTER 12
Celeste
“Yes, ma’am, I want a nurse for around the clock care. Preferably a nurse who has experience with my mother’s condition. I run a business, so the nurse would have to be reliable,” I said into the phone.
I was on a call with a home healthcare agency. So far, I’d learned her insurance would cover a lot of the cost, but not all of it. Hiring a caretaker and buying medication would cost me a pretty penny every month, but the price wasn’t as high as I expected. That was great news because it meant I could get my mom out of the facility sooner. I’d yet to talk to my mother about the changes that would happen, but I hated to do anything that would cause her added stress. I didn’t need her stressing about things she had no control over. Despite our differences, I wanted her around for as long as possible. I prayed the Lord would take her illness away. I needed my mother here with me.
There was no one else in my life I looked to as a motherly figure. Without her, I’d surely lose myself in this game called life. Half an hour later, I was wrapping up the call and writing down the most important information. Just as I made a note in my planner, I heard the garage door open. Moments later, Allencame in with his suitcase. This past week had been a blast. I’d gotten a lot of work done and spent a lot of time with Shane. Part of me was ashamed to admit that seeing him had been the highlight of most of my days. He made me smile whenever we spoke and the way he handled my body was like he held the key to my heart. The energy between us was light and comfortable. He was my safe space and I was doing my best to provide that same space for him.
Being back in Allen’s house literally made me sick to my stomach and every day I prayed he’d stop playing this childish ass game and just let me go. Neither of us wanted to be here and it’d been that way for a while now. I’d been so comfortable sleeping at my own place these past few days that I hoped Allen wouldn’t stay home so I could go back in peace.
“Hello to you, Celeste. My trip was fine. How you been?” he stated sarcastically.
“Allen, leave me the fuck alone. I don’t care how your trip went. That’s for you and Serenity to know.”
“Baby, I called you as soon as I saw the picture. It wasn’t even like that. We were in the club and you know we have to be on point with everything,” he lied.
“If that’s the case and you’re not on bullshit, why didn’t you tell me you were going out of town with her in the first place? You made it seem like you were going to Dallas on account of your own business. You never once mentioned you were going as Serenity’s groupie.”
“Groupie? Celeste, I worked on her debut. Her shit doing numbers is part of the reason you’re able to live like a damn queen.”
“Nigga, don’t you ever in your life insinuate another bitch is the reason I have a roof over my head. I don’t give a fuck what you think you have a leash on when it comes to me, I will leave all this shit behind and not blink twice. You might have boughtmy building, but remember it was me who built the business! I did it once and I can do it again. Since the day I found out you cheated on me, you’ve had me fucked up. You wanna give Serenity Spinna while you try to keep me satisfied with Allen, but the shit doesn’t work like that. Then you lie in my damn face like I’m the dumbest bitch to ever walk the earth. That doesn’t do shit but offend me even more because youreallythink I’m stupid. Fuck you and all these games you’re playing,” I spat as I stood.
“Wait, Celeste, I’m sorry. I wasn’t saying it like that. All I meant was if I don’t work, we can’t live like we’re living now.”
“I’m not living, Allen! I’m existing in a relationship neither of us wants to be in and I’m over the shit.”
“Where are you going? I just walked in the door.”
My head snapped in his direction after his statement. I knew Allen was off when he thought he’d be able to live a double life, but the look in his eyes let me know this nigga was really sick in the head. He wasn’t lying when he said he called me when the pictures of him and Serenity made it to social media. I knew exactly why he was calling and didn’t care. The shit was far past gone at this point. For all the world knew, he and Serenity were together and I was out of the picture. I actually preferred for people to think that was the case.
Allen had come into my life when I was at my lowest. He thought I’d stay with him just so I wouldn’t ever revert to that way of living. I’d always appreciate everything he did for my mother and me but no amount of money or healthcare would make me turn a blind eye to a man playing in my damn face. My heart didn’t come with a price tag and my integrity wasn’t for sale.
“Allen, leave me the hell alone,” I shot as I left through the front door.
I hadn’t intended to have an argument with him, but I couldn’t take the shit anymore. I was all out of faking it. Even for the sake of my mother. Since that was now the case, now was the best time for me to have a conversation with her. I’d planned to do it in a few days, but right now seemed like the perfect opportunity. Once I was in my car, I glanced at the screen to see visiting hours would be ending in another hour. That was all I needed. The sun was setting by the time I pulled into the lot and parked. Since it was so late, the visitors section was pretty much empty.
“Celeste? Baby, what are you doing back? You never come on Sunday evenings,” my mother questioned with a worried expression.
Taking a good look at my mother, I noticed she’d lost just a little bit of weight. She’d always been on the slim side, but right now, her cheeks looked to be sinking in more than normal. Tears rolled down my cheeks without permission. I’d been carrying so much emotionally that I was now at my breaking point.
“I’m sorry, Momma. I’m here because I need to talk to you about something.”
I closed her door and slid my shoes off before climbing into the recliner and snuggling next to her. She was so small that the chair fit the two of us comfortably. She pulled the lever to let the footrest up and extended the throw blanket over my lap. Now, I felt more at ease. I wished I could say I felt more at peace but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“What’s going on? For the last few months your spirit has been heavy. I knew something was wrong, but wanted you to feel comfortable telling me. You remind me of myself when I was younger. You walk around like you have life all figured out when really, you’re drowning on the inside. You think you’re the only one who cares about what you’re going through. I’m here to tell you that’s not the case at all. If people are genuine and want tohelp in any way that they can, let them. Don’t ever think you have to carry the weight of the world on your own. Especially when I’m here. I know we don’t have a perfect past, but I love you more than anything, Celeste.”
“I know, Momma. I’m just trying to figure things out. Me and Allen haven’t been on the best of terms in a while.”
As I caught my mother up on my life’s current events, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. She wasn’t happy at all with Allen, but she didn’t react the way I expected. Even when I informed her that she’d be moving into my townhouse and her doctors would switch, she remained calm.
“So what do you know about this new man? You don’t think you should take time to be alone after everything you’re going through with Allen?”
I ended up spilling the beans about Shane. The story wouldn’t feel whole if I didn’t tell her about him. He’d come into my life and seemed like he’d be around for the long haul. I had no objection to that. The grip he had on me was one I couldn’t explain. Even at my peak of loving Allen, I never had feelings this intense. The way Shane made my body feel needed to be studied. Whenever my mind wasn’t on my mother or business, it was on him.
“I can’t explain the way I feel, Momma. The logical thing would be for me to take some alone time, but Shane is just so different. Plus, we’re in so deep I doubt he’ll be open to me taking alone time.”
