“You don’t keep pop but you keep white wine?” I asked teasingly.
“That shit for my momma. I got some hard liquor in there if that’s what type of time you on.”
“Water is just fine. I’ve had enough liquor for the night,” I joked.
“Cool. Make yourself at home. The remote is on the table if you wanna turn the TV on.”
“I’m not in the mood for TV. I only watch it when I visit my mother honestly. Do you have a speaker? Music would be cool for now.”
Taking my purse from my shoulder, I sat it on the ottoman before taking a seat. I was caught off guard when the material pulled me in. I heard the music turn on moments before Shane returned with a bottle of water.
“I love your home. It’s beautiful and fits you,” I admitted.
“Thank you. I would hope my place fits me, but what makes you say that?”
“I can’t explain it, but your presence can be felt all through here. It’s a good thing.”
“I get it. The only two people who come over here are my homie Tripp and my momma. I don’t like too many people in my space. Not even on no spiritual shit, but my place of peace will never be accessible just because. I grew up with a few homeboys whose mommas always had company over. Their front doors open and shut all damn day. I never understood it because my momma didn’t do that type of shit. Every now and again she threw a gathering, but it was never an open-door policy at her shit.”
“See, I can’t say much. When I was younger, my mom always had company. I would never call my mother a bad parent, but she did questionable things sometimes,” I shared as my body relaxed into the couch.
“From how close the two of you seem, I wouldn’t have ever thought y’all had a crazy past.”
Shane pulled a blunt from his shorts and lit it before looking at me for an answer. His caramel skin looked so damn smooth as he took pulls and stared at me with those brown eyes.
“Yeah, it’s crazy to even think about. If you met my mother today, you’d never know she was the same lady from back then.”
“How is that? What made her change?”
“Man… I don’t know where to start with that question. My momma always made sure a roof was over our heads, but she was an alcoholic and dabbled in drugs back then. When we found out she had heart disease, the doctor said heavy alcohol consumption was probably the main trigger. On top of that, my mom wasn’t the first person in line to get a yearly physical.”
Unlocking the box of memories that contained the contents of my childhood wasn’t something I thought about frequently. In fact, on many occasions I tried to forget that most of it had happened. At the end of the day, I’d forgiven my mother and we moved on with our lives. I’d never get another mother, so I decided to bury all the ugly. The last time Jade and I spoke about this, she suggested I see a therapist. I may have moved on with my mother, but the two of us never discussed the past. This was such a common thing that happened in the Black community. Older generations liked to sweep things under the rug and move on like nothing ever happened.
“Other than mentally, has her drinking ever caused you harm? I feel like there’s some shit you’re not saying. But if you don’t wanna talk about it, we can move on. Only tell me what you’re comfortable with me knowing.”
“I can talk about it. It’s just heavy at times. My mom used to have these card games every Friday. When I’d come home from school and see her cleaning the living room and lighting incense, I already knew what she was preparing for. There was a man who came over every time she had a gathering. I never knew his real name, but they used to call him Tiny. One night, after one of my mother’s parties, she was drunker than I’d ever seen. Tiny was the last one at the house and I felt it in the pit of my stomach that he was up to no good.
“I was twelve, but I’d always been mature. I told him to leave, but he kept saying my mother wanted him to look after me while she slept. I knew it was a lie. My mother may have had issues,but she’d never tell a man to watch over me. Especially a man I didn’t know. When I realized he wasn’t gonna leave, I walked to my room and closed the door. Before I could lock it, Tiny pushed it open and forced his way inside. I remember being so damn scared I couldn’t even scream. Once he did what he did to me, he left and I never saw him again.
“The next morning, my mother came to my room and saw the blood stains on my sheets. I told her what happened and she was mad, of course, but she didn’t do enough. She didn’t take me to the hospital or file a police report. All she did was get me tested and made sure I wasn’t pregnant. But I never got my justice. She stopped having parties for a couple of months, then they started back like nothing ever happened. I love my mother so much, but I still hold so much resentment toward her.”
A few moments of silence passed before Shane said anything. I wasn’t surprised since I’d laid something so heavy on him. I would never say I was over the situation, but it didn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to. Through it all, I was just happy my mother believed me. Had she been one of those mothers who tried to flip the script, my mind would be much worse.
“Damn, baby. I’m sorry you went through that shit. I don’t wanna say too much because I don’t know what headspace your mom was in or why she didn’t file a report. It’s fucked up, but maybe one day you can ask her about it.”
“I don’t think she’d ever tell me. She won’t even tell me about my father. If anything, that’s the information I actually want. Fuck Tiny,” I said as I wiped a tear.
Scooting closer, Shane put me on his lap and brought me in for a hug. When my ass made contact with the bulge in his shorts, my emotions went from sad to sexual. It had been so long since I’d let Allen touch me that I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had sex. My tunnel was so dry that Shane wouldn’t have to try hard to have me on my back with my legs spread.
“Yo…be still before you wake that mothafucka up,” he said as he tilted his head.
Once he exhaled the smoke from the blunt, I leaned in and kissed his lips. I’d been wanting to feel how soft they were since I’d first laid eyes on him. Being this close and sharing a personal moment gave me the courage to finally act on my emotions. When Shane started sucking my tongue, I felt wetness in my panties. Needing more, I grinded against his hard dick. My eyes popped open when he pulled away from me.
“Celeste... you got a nigga at home. I don’t share and I promise you I am not good side nigga material. If you let me in that pussy then stop answering my calls, I will come to that nigga’s house and blow your spot up. I’m not hiding shit about you. So unless you ready for those real life problems, I suggest you chill.”
“I don’t have shit at home. I haven’t officially been with Allen since he cheated the first time. We don’t hug, let alone have sex. I had a meeting with a realtor earlier and have a potential new location,” I admitted proudly.
“Good shit. Where you movin’ the store?”
