“Nope. Some big-name rappers are supposed to be in town, so they’re closing it off from the public until Sunday night.”
“Your time is coming, baby. Your beats are good, so just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t give up.”
Little things like this made me appreciate having my mother. She always knew what to say and words of encouragement meant more coming from her. Becoming a big-time music producer was a dream I desperately wanted to make my reality. For my sixteenth birthday, my dad bought me a high-end soundboard and it changed my life. As a teenager, I had no interest in playing sports or joining any of the academic clubs.My grades were always good, but not being involved in after school programs left room for trouble to find me. I was hanging with the wrong crowd and got introduced to weed and pussy.
I’d come home from school smelling like a weed dispensary and had been caught one too many times jumping out of different girls’ windows.
In my defense, this was around the same time my dad had gotten locked up and my mother was so depressed that she was barely keeping up with me. From behind bars, my dad had the soundboard delivered to our home and placed in the basement. It took me a little while to get the hang of using the machine and coming up with different sounds, but I couldn’t stay off it once I learned. Let my dad tell it, it was simply something to occupy my time and keep me out of trouble. Now, it was just as important as the air I breathed.
“Thank you, Ma. I’m in too deep to give up, but I have been second guessing myself a lot lately. Don’t get me wrong, the money is rolling in, but I haven’t had my big break yet and it’s been over a decade. I’ve been dedicated since I started. Everyday I’m at a soundboard and it’s getting frustrating,” I expressed before taking a sip of the hot tea.
“When it’s your turn, the blessings will come flooding in. Just watch. The path may not be as pretty as we want it, but it’s necessary. Now, tell me what’sreallybothering you. I know you didn’t come here to talk about music.”
Exhaling, I set the mug down and explained to my mother why I’d come over here unannounced.
“Uncle Dennis said he wants me to take over Exclusive Diamonds. My initial response was to say no, but I wanted to think it over. If I go through with it, I’ll have more money to invest into my music and save, but it’ll cut into my studio time. Outside of that, Deontay is taking his anger out on me and I don’t have time for the bullshit.”
Normally, I didn’t curse in front of my mother, but the words slipped out from time to time. Since I kept it to a minimum, she never tripped. The bout of silence that fell upon us lasted so long I had to look up to face her. She was taking long sips from her tea, but I could tell she was processing. While I waited for her response, I continued to drink my tea.
“There are a lot of things I try to stay out of, and a man’s business is one of them. I don’t think Dennis would cause you any harm, but on the other hand, I can’t say I trust him beyond a certain point. What was his reasoning for giving you the business and not his only son?”
“Basically, he doesn’t feel like Deontay is responsible enough.”
“What’s your opinion on that? I guess to me, I’d do everything I could before I passed up my own children. Not saying you aren’t deserving, but your dad would never hand Deontay his legacy.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking. I don’t think Deontay would really bust a move if I agreed to take it over, but you know how people get when money is involved.”
“This is true. Are you planning to speak with your dad about this?”
“I am. I wanted to talk to you then I’ll bring it up to him when he calls. I didn’t plan to decide until I ran it past both of you.”
“I’m glad you did that. You’re your own man, but me and your dad are still here to guide you. You’ll never be too old for that,” she explained.
By now, I was starting to feel the effect of the tea. I was high as shit, but still felt good and energized.
“Momma, what you put in that tea?”
“A bunch of stems. It’s good ,right?” She laughed.
“It is. Did your husband call you yet?”
“He did. He calls as soon as they turn the phone on in the morning. Then countless times throughout the day. Sometimes, I feel like we talk so much it doesn’t even feel like he’s in jail. Feels more like a long-distance relationship.”
“You been okay, Ma? How you feelin’?” I questioned curiously.
Since my dad’s been away, a small part of my mother had been locked up with him. It took a while before she was able to go about her daily life and be perfectly fine. Every now and again I’d have to remind myself that my mother was experiencing a deep loss. It was like grieving a person who was still breathing. They could talk on the phone all day, but she couldn’t be the one to pick up the phone and call him. She’d long stopped visiting my dad at the prison. It wasn’t my mother’s idea, but it was for the best. She’d leave the prison after each visit more devastated than before.
My dad felt like it was setting her back and I agreed. Six years into his sentence, my dad had my mother served with divorce papers. She was so heartbroken that she ended up being hospitalized for malnutrition. Once she was back home, she refused to sign the papers. My dad told me on multiple occasions that it wasn’t fair for them to stay married. He was serving a thirty-year sentence and wanted my mother to be free to move on. Aside from sending money and making sure she was safe, there was nothing more he could offer the marriage. My parents came to the agreement that my mother would be the one to initiate the divorce if that day ever came. I knew it would never happen though. The love between them ran too deep for her to ever pull the plug.
I saw both sides, so I minded my business and let them do what made them happy. The situation was unfortunate, but my dad was a real one and I was always ten toes down when it came to him.
“I’m okay, sweetie. Just gets lonely around here sometimes. When your father was home, he always gave me a reason to complain.” She laughed.
The laugh she let out was filled with more sadness than anything. All she had to hold onto were old memories and it truly wasn’t fair.
“There were always clothes on the floor or something out of place. Now, there is no one here to clean behind. You’ve left long ago and so has your father. I miss what my life once was, but I’m grateful for what it is now. Things could be worse.”
“It’s gon’ be cool, Momma. I don’t know how, but we gon’ bring him home soon. I can feel it.”
