Sighing, I release my grip and pour out a glass, then take a big sip that burns my throat on its way down. But it's nowhere near enough when my quick-working metabolism burns off the alcohol before it can have any real effects, and I'm not as distracted as I'd like to be.
I make a mental note to call on Dominic to bring me some of that potent wolfsbane that grows in Nightmist near the coast. He had a generous stash that he brought along when he joined the black ops squad, and it allowed us to let loose when we were on break.
I could really use some of that letting loose right now, and even after chugging down another glass of whiskey, I don't feel anywhere near quenched.
Fresh air is what I need, even if going out to the woods earlier costs me my sanity. I wasn't expecting to stumble on the she-wolf who'd been responsible for my restless nights, and wallowing in the regret of the way I treated her in the past.
I go out through the back door, wanting to scream into the void but stifling the urge so I don't disturb Arianna's son or draw unwanted attention from the pack. But the lump in my throat forces me to shift into wolf form and disappear into the woods, then climb to the highest cliff peak and howl at the moon.
The cry is anguished, filled with the regret of the past, along with the jealousy coursing through my veins from thethought of Arianna with another man. The torment releases from my throat, and I sink to the ground with a whimper as I close my eyes and bask in the torrent of feelings passing through my wolf body.
Because I'm the alpha, I'm able to block out everyone from my mind link. The last thing I need is for someone to call about fulfilling my duties right now.
I want to feel angry. I knew she'd left the pack four years ago, but I had no idea it was to move on as if that night we shared meant nothing to her.
She's the one who spoke up about the true mate bond, and I was the one who rejected her.
I rejected her.
I open my eyes at the realization that I only have myself to blame. Admittedly, I treated her horribly in the past and acted like an immature child when I rejected her. There were other ways I could have explained the situation to her, told her that I was never planning on taking a mate or having children, even if she was my true mate.
I can't blame her for leaving and moving on.
Arianna coming back with another wolf's child is probably a test for me, just like all the tests I've been put through my entire life to get to this point. Coming face-to-face with the last thing that I've left unfinished almost seems like it's a chapter that finally needs to be closed for me to move on.
But how am I supposed to do that when she's staying with her son in my house now? I don't know what came over me when I suggested she stay at my place, except that the true mate bond hasn't been completely cut, and my inner wolf still wants to protect her.
It means nothing, right? She's just staying in my house because she needs shelter, and she's safest there.
It's not like she could return to her old cottage. After she left, the place was left abandoned, and the building is as old and dilapidated as the man I used to be in the past. At least, that's how it feels when I've buried him so far away that he feels ancient, too ashamed of the kind of man who could be so cruel.
The man who rejected her.
This second chance, handed to me on a golden platter, two days out from the full moon painting the sky, is probably here to clear my conscience of how I behaved in the past. My slate needs to be wiped clean if I'm going to move forward, and perhaps I need to be certain that my unwillingness to take a mate is stronger than the pull of the true mate bond.
I can't go back on a decision I made the day Tyson's body was carried back to Portland. I can't have any attachments, even if it's to my true mate.
She'd moved on, anyway. All I can do is offer protection in the sanctuary of her old pack that she's returned to.
Knowing what I must do to remain sane and carry out my duties as this pack's leader, I release the mental blocks I'd put up as I climb down the mountain, reaching the base and shifting into human form. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I let the cold shiver pass through me as I make my way back home as a form of release before I'll have to face Arianna again.
Once I'm at the back door, I take a deep breath before entering, tiptoeing as if I'm an intruder in my own home. I shake off the feeling as I close the door behind me, my every step toward the bedrooms heavy with the regret I feel for the way I treated Arianna in the past.
The product of my rejection lies sound asleep in the first guestroom, and I gulp when I realize how much the boy will serve as a reminder. My heart tugs as if I'm drawn toward seeing the consequences of my past behavior, but I continue past, unable to face the demons of my own doing.
All I need to do is look forward, and I'm compelled to turn my face away, standing in front of the door leading to the bedroom Arianna is staying in. I take a step forward toward it, reaching up a hand to knock on the door when I notice the dim light filtering through the crack, the door standing slightly ajar.
I hover outside, unsure if I should go ahead and ask her if she's fine and settled in. From the way she'd acted toward me, her face paling when she saw me as if she'd seen a ghost, I'm too hesitant to go ahead.
But when I hear an evident sigh before the springs on the mattress squeal, I can't help but wonder if she's feeling as uncomfortable as I am. I'll blame my inner wolf for heading inside without knocking, reminding myself that this is my house, and I can do as I please.
I am the alpha, after all.
Just as I step inside, I instantly regret going in when her face lifts, and her doe eyes stare at me, face pale where it's usually a lively tan that makes her skin appear like honey. My heart skips a beat when I'm pulled into the warmth of her hazel eyes, glossed over with exhaustion, but still as warm as I remember them.
Arianna blinks and cuts off eye contact when she turns her face away, folding her arms across her chest as if she's protecting herself.
From me?
