I had no idea that it would be so burdensome, such a heavy weight to carry, not just the alpha title, but stepping in as the perfect son to make our parents proud, to make up for what they lost.
Their eldest son.
His death was the only reason I could never see myself mated, even though I was shown my true mate. I know her disappearance is because of the way I treated her after that night outside the party, but I just couldn't accept it.
It was something she recognized, too, and when she asked what would happen after I took her virginity, I coldly reminded her that I was leaving to join black ops, and that when I got back, I had no intention of taking a mate.
My determination to keep my pack safe led me to that decision. How could I take a mate, or bring children into this world, when I know it isn't safe? My brother met his demise out there, and I witnessed what horrors lie out there myself. I could never live with myself if I took on a mate and put her life in danger, if I failed to protect her.
It would hurt too much.
As much as it hurts knowing your true mate is out there, unprotected?
I gasp when my inner wolf mentally questions me, its voice as sharp as if the words were spoken from Tyson's grave. Frowning, I trace his name with my thumb, wondering if I'm sleep-deprived enough to hallucinate when I see my brother's face with my mental eye.
His crystalline blue eyes stare at me with warmth I've been missing in these past five years. I'd briefly glimpsed something like it on that night of my farewell party, behind the pack den where I'd stopped the she-wolf I'd been drawn to. But in a flicker of recollection and realization that I couldn't risk another life, I'd rejected my true mate and lost the warmth I desperately needed.
My brother's death was unexpected, but seeing an apparition of him now through my imagination is even more unexpected when he nods toward the forest and then disappears. Still frowning, I get to my feet and dust off my knees where they'd been soiled, staring ahead into the unknown darkness shrouding the forest.
My heartstrings are tugged, a silent melody pulling me forward until I'm out of the graveyard, shifting into wolf form with a sudden pang gripping my stomach. Perhaps it's hunger that causes the stir, and it reminds me that I haven't hunted for fresh meat in over a week.
But it's more than hunger that grips me, a gaping hole forming in my heart as if the tightness just released and made it possible for me to see further than my wolf eyes. In that void, I see the man I used to be, and with every forward step as I go deeper into the forest, it's guilt I feel for the way I treated the she-wolf who emerged as my true mate.
Though it's a rare occurrence, I'm sure it's my wolf who recognized her. Now that she's gone, it makes the task of nevertaking a mate easier, because I'm not sure if my wolf would have been strong enough to stay away.
I'd acted like a complete imbecile, spewing cruel words that night. I'd wronged the only one whose eyes I felt comfort in, whose kiss brought me ease, whose magnetic touch made me feel invincible.
Now that she's no longer in Portland, I should be grateful that I don't have the distraction, even if I spent four years in black ops wishing I hadn’t been so cruel to her. She didn't deserve it, but it was the only way I knew how to reject the true mate bond that threatened to turn my world upside down.
It's not like my parents or the council would ever have accepted her, but even if they had, I wouldn't have risked putting her in danger. Being mated to an alpha is a death sentence.
I did it for her own good. I did it to protect her.
My paw crushes a twig, the crack suddenly snapping my eyes up just as a figure appears ahead of me, and my wolf heart stops.
I narrow my eyes, trying to make out who the female silhouette belongs to, when my inner wolf purrs a name that has my heart swelling, filling that empty space with something that feels like hope.
Could it be possible?
Is that Arianna Hart?
Chapter 5 - Arianna
“Where going, Mama?” Noah asks when we're halfway through the woods on the east side of Salem.
It's the first time he's spoken since we left Salem, the trauma of seeing our cottage upturned keeping him stunned as we packed only a few belongings before leaving.
Though I'm grateful that he's speaking again, and I notice that the color has returned to his face, I’m too exhausted to give him my full attention while we walk. Slowing down with a sigh, I know it's pointless to keep walking on my human feet while I have to carry Noah.
“We're going somewhere safe,” I tell Noah as I gently place him on his feet and crouch in front of him to sweep the dark tresses of hair from his face. Cradling his cheeks, I take a deep breath to strengthen my resolve for what I'm about to do. “There's something I'm going to tell you, but you have to promise not to be scared, okay?”
Noah frowns, but nods timidly as he stares at me expectantly, prompting me to continue.
“I'm not…” I pause to correct my statement. “We'renot like other people, Noah-kins. We're a little different.”
Noah tilts his head to one side. “How?”
“You have to promise me that you won't be scared.” I straighten up and take a step back. I've been putting this off for too long, believing that I had time before having to explain to my son that we have the ability to shape-shift. I knew that when he reached the age of five, he would begin feeling his inner wolf and would begin asking me questions. But now that we're going to Portland, I can't make the journey in human form any longer.
