“It's the night I rejected you…” I whisper sullenly, and hear Delilah's gasp as she relives that night. “I told you that we should stop hooking up. That it was for the best.”
“You told me that we had fun…” she whispers sadly, and I nod, unable to meet her eyes.
“I was lying,” I admit. “I lied about all of it, because the truth is, I only rejected you to protect you.”
“Protect me from what?”
“From me,” I sigh as I blurt out the truest words I've ever spoken. “That mission we left you out of? It was a confidential mission sent to us by the head of the Werewolf Union, asking us to leave you out because you're part witch. The mission was to take down a dark witch who'd become so evil that it turned into a disgusting, ghost-like being that could only be killed with a silver blade.”
“You thought I'd become like that, and you'd be forced to kill me?” Delilah murmurs, and I shake my head.
“No. It was nothing like that. I…” I pause to take a breath, reliving that night when our squad encountered the disfigured creature and I saw my life flashing before my eyes. A shiver courses down my spine, settling in the pit of my belly where it's being churned.
I can't stop now. Delilah deserves to know everything about that mission.
“The creature was supposedly a lone witch, much like Gwen, but it was a master of dark arts, wielding black magic that turned into that…whatever that was.” I shiver. “When we encountered it, I was the one who held the dagger in humanform. While the others had it locked down, I was about to spear the blade through its heart, when its black smoke touched my hand…” I absentmindedly stroke the knuckles of the hand that touched the smoke that night, like the memory is embedded in my skin. “... and my past flashed before my eyes.”
“The past you've been hiding?”
I chuckle dryly. “Yeah. The past I've been trying to run from. What's worse is that I also saw my future with you in it.”
“So the mutated witch creature had a vision about you?”
“Something like that. But in it, I was holding your lifeless body in my arms, crying out to the Moon Goddess to bring you back to me. What stood out was the mark on your neck…” I turn my face to the side, eyes landing on the scent gland under her ear that would have that mark if I claimed her.
Delilah absentmindedly touches the spot, shuddering as if she can see what I saw.
“I knew if I claimed you, if I pursued my feelings for you, it would only end in your death.”
Delilah shakes her head slowly. “Witches might have visions of the future, but it's never set in stone, Hunter. It all depends on the choices the person makes that will dictate what the future might be.”
“You don't understand,” I sigh and turn my face away. “What I saw through that witch made me realize that everything I touchdoesturn to dust. It's happened before, when my father tried to overthrow the alpha of the pack we were in.”
“Bloodclaw?”
“No,” I shake my head slowly. “I wasn't always a part of Bloodclaw. My father and I were in a pack called Moon Harvest out in Virginia when I was a young teen. I was helping him buildweapons to start a war with other packs, and I didn't even know it. Those weapons killed other wolves, and my father had ulterior motives, wanting to take over from the alpha when the other alphas killed him. I played a part in that massacre, in the war that killed so many, and when I found out, I ran away.”
“You were a child, Hunter,” Delilah offers, but I stare at my hands and shake my head.
“All that blood was on my hands. And I couldn't face myself, so I ran. I lived as a lone wolf for years before Bloodclaw took me in, but I never felt like I truly belonged. Bloodclaw saw my potential and sent me to black ops. That's when I met the team. I met you, and I fell in love. But then I was reminded that I will only cause destruction, like I did in the past, if I fulfil my mate bond with you.”
A weight feels like it's been lifted off my shoulders now that I've come clean about my past, but regret remains as I stare at my hands and see the imaginary blood of the Virginian wolves who were killed in the war.
“I had to reject you,” I say as I curl my hands, shutting out the past that I can't escape from. Not now, when Delilah knows the truth. “I had to protect you from turning to dust because of me. I couldn't let my love for you destroy you.”
A long moment of silence stretches out until finally, Delilah stands up and hugs her arms across her chest. She looks down at me, nodding slowly as her eyes display the plethora of emotions and thoughts running through her mind.
“You should have told me this before. You should have been honest with me,” Delilah says softly as she hangs her head. “I never cared about who you were or what you did in the past; I just wanted you to be open with me. Instead, you hurt me as if it meant nothing to you. As if you never cared about me at all.”
I hang my head shamefully, just as Delilah turns and slowly walks down the road in the direction of the residential area. I know she's going home, and after what I just revealed, I'm sure she needs some space.
Using the time alone out on the sidewalk to lament the past that's been holding me back from pursuing my feelings for the only woman I've ever loved and cared about, I lift my head to watch her walking away. She's about to turn the corner, and that's when it hits me that I've been wrong this whole time.
And now, I'm about to lose Delilah a second time. Not through death like I saw through the witch creature's vision, but through my own self-loathing.
So what if I helped my father build those weapons?
Just like Delilah said, I was a child, and I didn't know better. I didn't even know what I was doing until it was too late, and the war broke out, and those weapons were used for mass destruction.
