PRESS PLAY
I played music while swaying in my room. While everyone else was at the game having fun, I was alone in my dorm. I kept the record playing repeatedly as I soaked in my feelings. The truth was, I was lonely, a loner, a girl who thought she had everything at her fingertips when I had nothing. I was like Cinderella without the evil sisters. I was the part of Cinderella who had gotten all dressed up for the grand ball but was still a nobody. I didn’t have the prince at the end; instead, I was in a room with just me and my thoughts. Miss Toussaint was sitting alone in her room.
A knock at my door startled me. I prayed like hell that none of the girls would come to complain because tonight I didn’t have it in me. I closed my silk robe and answered the door. There was no one standing there, but a bouquet of pink flowers lay there. A wave of flutters went through me as I bent down to pick them up. They smelled amazing. I pulled the card from them, which gave instructions for me to go to the yard. Normally, I would get all dressed up, but I ran back into the room and threw on a pair of sweats and my hoodie with the school’s mission on it. I quickly put on my shoes andhurried out of the hall and into the yard. When I saw the candles lit near the Blue Hawk statue, I picked up the pace, running just as the girls did in those movies when they knew it was the moment they won over the love of their life.
When I saw Harlem standing there, a wide smile eased on my face. “How did you know I was in my room?”
“It was a long shot. I figured that if, by chance, Miss Toussaint is in her dorm, she wouldn’t want to be alone. So, I figured why not bring her on a date?”
It was crazy because, as many times as Jesaiah and I had hung out together, he had never offered to take me out. Although this wasn’t a sit-down restaurant type thing, it was still beautiful. Harlem had music playing from his phone and a small picnic set up on the lawn beside the statue.
He walked over to me and took my hand. “Come on. I think I got some food you may like.”
I followed his lead, sitting on the comfy blanket. “This is so pretty,” I cooed.
He sat with his knees pulled to his chest. “Look, I didn’t like the way you left out my crib that day. Between you and me, I’m not one of those hood niggas. I’m not trying to bash or embarrass you, but I do want you to know the truth. Apple, you're special, and if you can’t see that, I’m not sure what to say. You took something and used it as an excuse, but you have the chance to fix it. I like you, and I want better for you so we can be good together. All I ask is that you don’t fuck with the pills, you finish school, and be yourself. Can you do that?” he said to me.
I grinned like a high school girl. “I can do that,” I whispered.
“Good, now let’s eat this chicken before it gets cold.”
He and I sat there building chemistry. Harlem was the guy I didn’t know I needed. He wasn’t just a friend; more like my boyfriend, not boyfriend. I rambled on about my idea for BlackExcellence Day. I told him how I wanted to select a few students to display things about themselves—the good, bad, and the ugly to show that being perfect is not a thing and that we are all human, going through trials to be excellent. He sat there, listening, and gave me ideas that would work for what I wanted to do. Then he got serious, and that scared me.
“I want to show you something, but I need to make sure your head is in the right place.”
I bit off half of the fry that was in my mouth. “Okay.”
He pulled out his phone and typed something in. “Remember what I said. You are special. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. There is a site, you know, for us students. Now, everyone doesn’t know about it. I think it’s some beta project and—”
“Show me!” I shouted.
“Calm down. Whoever runs it is putting the girls on campus out there.”
I didn’t let him finish before I snatched the phone out of his hand. When I saw the video of me having sex with Jesaiah, all I could do was scream. I could not fucking believe it. That look he gave me at Harlem’s, I should have known. I got up from the blanket, dropped the phone, and ran back to my dorm. I was angry, hurt, and felt disgusted. Jesaiah’s ass needed to be handled. With each passing day, he was destroying my soul.
XAVIER
The game was going good. We were in the second half of the game and sitting here watching my team ball out without me didn’t change how I felt about not being on the court, but it did make me look at them all differently. I watched as they passed the ball back and forth, but the guys down low were applying pressure to the niggas who drove the ball up the court. They looked good as a team. It made me wonder if it looked the same when I was out there, or if I was truly a ball hog ass nigga who thought he knew everything.
That date with Phoebe opened my eyes. I could feel a change ensuing. The coach had called a time-out, gathering us together. As he went over the play board, the shooting guard stared at me. It was as if he was waiting for me to talk shit. “You’re doing good out there. Y’all are killing it. Keep driving it up the court. If it’s too much pressure, pass it. They don’t have shit on y’all,” I said.
The coach stopped talking and looked at me. He then finished what he had to say as the starting team went back out on the court. When he came over toward me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. “What has gotten into you? Is this a new Xavier?”
I shrugged. “Nah, same dude, different perspective,I guess.”
A nigga wasn’t perfect, but he was trying. I turned around to see if my friends were still behind me. When I saw Dio gone and Samara getting up to leave, all I could do was shake my head because I could only imagine. Phoebe’s eyes landed on mine. A smirk landed on my face because it felt good to have my girl here supporting me. To know she believed that I could be better, just as I knew she could. I didn’t think she would be the one to pull the feels out of me, but something was happening.
PHOEBE
I watched as Samara got up and walked off. She said she was going to get a snack, but I knew she and Dio were up to something. I removed my focus from them and averted it to Xavier, who turned to look at me. He smiled and nodded at me. The nigga had me blushing something crazy.
“I see you, girl,” Paige leaned over and said to me.
I eyed her quickly before looking back at Xavier. I liked what we had and found that being in a relationship wasn’t as bad as I thought. He made me feel comfortable, especially after he opened up to me. We were moving in the right direction. We were both trying to heal our souls through each other. I was kind of sad when he told me he couldn’t spend spring break with me, but I knew he was trying to work shit out with the whole basketball thing. I offered to help him study if needed, and to my surprise, his stubborn ass accepted. I wanted him to see the bigger picture of school. There were so many avenues and resources to help him finally decide on a major and complete his coursework. I wanted to be a supportive girlfriend but also a truthful one.
Xavier made me feel so open that I almost wanted to tell himabout Kyle. Since everything happened, I hadn’t really had anyone to talk to except Syior. When he wasn't around, I was left with my thoughts and memories, which led me to do the only thing I knew to do when my soul was hurting. I knew Xavier was still worried when he wasn’t around me, so I worked hard not to cut. I didn’t want him to think of himself as the guy who chose the fucked-up girl with all the issues.
I had been so focused on Xavier that I didn’t realize someone sat next to me. “We’re going weeks without speaking to each other now? Fuck is up with you?” Syior said in my ear.
