She stood there. I could tell she somewhat felt bad, but she knew she was in too deep and wasn’t going to back down.
“Why didn’t you just say that? You could have given me a hint. Instead, you chose to sneak around this muhfucka like a thief in the night, leaving me to assume! So, yes, I thought you were cheating! Yes, I thought you were purposely distancing yourself from me. Dio, you said fuck me! So, now it’s fuck you!” she yelled.
A nigga was breaking inside. How the fuck did we get here? Did I think that not telling her that I was pledging would turn into this? No. For every moment I was doing the right thing, I felt like I had done a hundred things wrong. However, her saying fuck me was some other type of shit, and it pissed me off. I moved closer to her.
“That’s how you feel, huh? Fuck me?” I barked.
“Yes!”she shouted back.
Zaria had come from the back room after putting the twins down. “You guys need to relax,” she said to us, but it was too late because the words that were being exchanged couldn’t be taken back.
Samara then pointed to me, then back to herself. “You treat me like fucking property, not like your girl you say you love.Don’t do this, Mars. Bet not let me catch you doing that, Mars!You got these niggas pulling me off the dance floor like a kid. What type of shit is that?!”
I never wanted her to feel like property. I did want her to understand the role she played in my life, and it wasn’t like the other Zoo Babies. Samara was supposed to be different. She was handpicked for me, and she didn’t see it.
“You're not property, Samara. You're my girl. You talk about the what-ifs. What if it was me, the nigga, doing with some female what that nigga did to you? Huh!?”
“Dio, you know what? Just stop. It’s clear you don’t see me asyour girl because whatever you Zoo niggas got going on, I’m not a part of it, so miss me,” she hissed before flicking her wrist as if she was waving me off.
“Let me tell you what an Orange Light Special is.” I paused as I placed my prayer hands to my lips. “That’s when I, Dionysus, choosesomeoneI would give my fucking life for and put her on. I’ll do every fucking thing I can to make sure it’s a night she will never forget. This is a moment of deep connection, intimacy, and growth in our relationship and our love. It’s the moment that I know the girl I have been riding with can withstand anything, and no matter fucking what, she will always choose me, but you just showed me that you ain’t that one.”
Tears welled in her eyes and mine. I couldn’t believe this was where we ended up. Her lips trembled, and I could see her emotions starting to get the best of her. Samara drew her hand back and slapped me. I grabbed her wrist and spun it behind her back before pushing her against the wall.
“Don’t you ever put your fucking hands on me again!”
“Whoa, shit! Y’all, calm the fuck down!” Chevy barked.
My head turned toward him as my nose flared. “I said back off!”
Samara’s panting became loud. We stood there staring into each other’s eyes. I saw my fucking wife, but it was clear she didn’t see me as her husband. I saw a future, and it was clear she didn’t even see the present.
“Let me go!” she spat.
Now my lips were trembling because my heart was breaking. “No!” I choked up.
Letting go was like me releasing her into the universe, and that I wasn’t ready for. “Nigga, what you mean I ain’t the one? It was me who was there when you were all fucked up in the head. Who chose you over Keith, even after you chose another bitch over me?Me!And you’re saying shit like that?!"
Her eyes closed as the tears streamed down her face. “I shared a dark piece of me with you,” I whispered before I finally let her go.
“Dio, get the fuck out before I—"
It was like she wasn’t hearing me and I fucking lost it. “Before you what!?” My voice bounced off the walls.
Whap!
I hit the wall. “What, Samara!”
Whap!
Chevy came over to me, grabbing me by the back of my sweater. I was losing my fucking mind.
Whap! Whap! Whap!I drilled the wall.
“I know this shit hurts, Dio, but you’ve got to calm down. Nigga, I get it.”
I pulled away from Chevy as I ran into Samara’s face, slapping my hands on my chest. “A nigga dedicates his life to you, and this is what the fuck I get!? I’m out here trying to be a better nigga for you, and you spit in my fucking face!”
Chevy tried to grab me and pull me out of the crib. “Come on, nigga. Not right now.”
