Old habits never die. I may have been sweet to everyone, but I was still the pickpocketing girl from New York. I gazed at the pills, wondering what they were.Xannies or percs?I thought.
“Samara!” someone shouted my name, scaring me.
I dropped the pills in my desk drawer as my head shot up. My eyes were greeted with a dozen orange roses, then both Paige and Alyse. They both stood there with wide grins. “A delivery for the princess.”
I knew these had come from Dio, but why couldn’t he bring them himself? A part of me was in awe, but the other half was angry because I wanted him to fix whatever this was. I took the vase and brought it closer to my nose. My eyes closed for a second as I took in the scent, which was his. My stomach fluttered for a moment.
“How did you guys get these?”
Paige shrugged. “Braylen gave them to me and told me to bring them to you. They’re beautiful. Look at the prince, girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. What’s up with you guys?”
Alyse leaned forward. “We’re going to Hoodoo’s tonight. Are you coming?”
I shook my head. “No. I—”
“Morgan will be there. She is coming to stay for the weekend. You know the pageant is tomorrow. It will be like it was during Christmas break. Come on,” she whined.
I let out a sigh. “Fine.”
They both seemed excited. I shook my head as they headed out of the building. I stared at the flowers, thinking of Dio, hoping we would somehow fix what was broken.
APPLE
Sittingin front of Dean August was a privilege. Seeing a woman in a dean’s role was significant, especially for Toussaint’s history, since no woman had held such a position before. Her demeanor reflected high standards, quite unlike my aunt Nyomi’s. She sat confidently with her head held high, her posture composed, and her deep melanin matching mine. The sun shone brightly throughout the office, the hint of blue captured her presence, and the soft jazz music playing gave the space a comforting touch.
“Miss Timothy, thank you for joining me today. I wanted to talk to you not only about your interview, but also your role with the Gray and Gold.”
I smiled because I knew she saw the light in me. Maybe not getting the position wasn’t as bad as I thought because she had something better for me. She eased up from the desk as she began to pace the office.
“Phillis Wheatley, Mary Eliza Mahoney, Ida B. Wells, Mary McLeod Bethune, or even Billie Holiday. What do they mean to you?” she asked.
Now I was confused. I fumbled with my hands as I becamenervous. They were all women of color. I knew that much, but the common ground, I had no clue. She turned to look at me as if I was supposed to know the answer off the bat.
“You’re a smart young lady, Miss Timothy. I’m waiting.”
I shrugged slightly. “They’re all women of color,” I mumbled. “Some of them have contributed to society during their time.”
Her peachy painted lips eased into a grin. “Apple Timothy traveled all the way from a small town in Texas to Toussaint State University with a 4.0 GPA. Started off as a timid, scared girl, but is now majoring in law. She’s Miss Toussaint State, and the President of the Gray and Gold. I expect more, but I’m also not surprised.”
“I’m still all of those things, and respectfully, Dean August, what does any of this have to do with anything?”
She laughed. “Not only am I a proud alumnus of this school, but I have also worked here for over forty years. I’ve watched many girls move throughout this campus with this set of expectations on themselves that they couldn’t live up to. It’s as if we women forget the power we have.
“Miss Timothy, you worked hard to get where you are, yet I feel like you’re taking it all for granted.Allof the women I’ve listed contributed things to society during their time. However, they didn’t get lost during the fight. Even down to Billie Holiday. Yes, she had a bad habit.” She paused, narrowing her eyes on me.
The way I shrank in the seat. Did she know I was on pills? Had my actions been that obvious?
She pulled her eyes away and continued. “She still fought through it all to continue to get her message across. With every stone thrown, every moment she sat on the moon, and everything society saw as flaws, she still pushed, sending a message about how we, as people of color, were treated. ‘In my solitude, you haunt me. In my solitude, you taunt me.’ Listen to it,” she finished.
I didn’t know what to say. It was clear that everythingI thought I was had only been internal. I lost the umph I had in freshman year, and somehow, the lines had gotten blurred. I stood from the chair speechless. As I headed to the door, she stopped me.
“Black Excellence Day, I expect a great outcome. Don’t let my nephew steal what you’ve worked so hard to accomplish. Black excellence isn’t about being perfect, rather the imperfections of what you’re willing to learn and change.”
Walking out of that room made me feel sick. My anxiety was at an all-time high. I was hurrying down the hall to leave the building when the girl at the front desk stopped me.
“Apple!” she called out.
