I turned to walk back, and it was obvious I missed a step.
“Shit!”
One foot went on top of the other as I stumbled forward and fell. The gasp of the girls was so loud, I didn’t even want to look up. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I felt like the divine universe wasn’t on my side. I got up, rushed off stage, and out of the building. The tears that were building up didn’t hesitate to escape my eyes. I felt like all the years I put into being perfect were being peeled away, and with them went the went the mask of every imperfection I had been able to cover up. I rushed through the campus, damn near crying my eyes out... until I saw Xavier sitting alone near the statue, spinning a ball on his finger. I wiped my eyes as I made my way toward him.
“Xavier,” Icalled out.
He glanced up, then gave me a head nod. “Why are you here by yourself?” I asked curiously.
He shrugged. “Shit, just thinking. You look like you’ve been crying.”
I quickly wiped my face. “It’s my lashes. A girl thing.”
“You think you’re going to be ready for March Madness? Everyone is rooting for a speedy recovery.”
That was when he stopped spinning the ball. “I don’t know. What I do know is that sometimes trying to be perfect for everyone else hurts me in the end. While everyone is rooting for me to help the team, who’s rooting for me to just be me? You keep your head, Shorty,” he said as he stood to walk away.
“Wait!” I shouted as I grabbed his wrist. “If you’re not busy, maybe we can hang out.”
He looked around as if he was expecting someone. “Uh, fuck it.”
A smile eased on my face. Jesaiah had been ignoring me for the last week. He was probably with that girl. It didn’t matter how hard I tried getting him out of my mind; I couldn’t, but hopefully with the attention of Xavier, I could. Besides the night I had, this moment was much needed. I suggested we go back to my room, but he declined, and we headed back to his dorm. The first few minutes were awkward, but as the pills settled in me more, I became more comfortable.
“You have a girlfriend?”
“Nah, I’m chilling.”
I nodded while he pointed to me. “I saw you around campus with that nigga Jesaiah. You still fucking with him?”
A weak smile appeared on my face. “No.”
In my mind, I didn’t know whether it was a lie or the truth. No, we weren’t a couple, but we still had sex from time to time. I watched as he removed his hoodie and then his shirt. Xavier’s body was chiseled as hell. It screamed athlete.
“Will you be healed up before the tournament?” I asked.
“Shit, I don’t know.” He paused as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching me.
My eyes fluttered slowly as I sat on his bed. I was high as hell, and if I cared what happened before, I didn’t care now. I was floating. I felt invincible. This height was a protection from my feelings, protection from feeling judged, protection from allowing my thirst for perfection to lead my life. Right now, I was merely a college student enjoying the moment. My body began to lean slowly as a giggle fell from my lips.
“Oh, you’re fried. You got that weed from Harlem? I hear that nigga be having that gas,” I heard Xavier say.
“Huh?” I froze. “His weed is trash, but his pil—" I panicked.
Shit!I almost slipped up. I cleared my throat as I sat up. “No, maybe a little tired.”
“Well, yo ass can’t sleep here.”
I burst out in laughter while he frowned at me. “You Gray and Gold girls are weird. Y’all walk around this muhfucka like y’all run shit, but truth be told, y’all are just as fucked up as the rest of us.”
Maybe I was fucked up, but I was also high and feeling myself. I stood from the bed and stood before him. My hands inched up his abs.
“You got an eight pack,” I mumbled.
I took a few steps back and took my shirt off. He looked me up and down. Now it was time to make my move. For the first time since being here, I was finally about to have someone other than Jesaiah.
PERCY
Saying I was struggling while trying to stay focused on my purpose was an understatement because a nigga was tired. If it wasn’t Xavier and me arguing about some bullshit or the big brothers wearing my ass out, it was me trying to find a way to be around Royce. She hadn’t said much to me since dropping me off on campus a while back. I tried asking, but she blew me off, so I went back to what I knew, and that was Phoebe.
