“Girl, you’re only doing it for Jesaiah. He doesn’t give a damn about you knowing his aunt. All that nigga cares about is himself,” one of my sisters blurted out.
I cut my eyes at Reagan. Did she put my business out there? I sucked in a deep breath and smiled. “I chose to do this because it’s something that would look good for us. Trust me, y’all.”
“Mmkay,” I heard one of them say.
When the meeting was over, I didn’t even bother to say anything to Reagan. I left. I hurried out of the building, heading toward my room. “Sup, Apple?”
I looked up to see Harlem. “Hey,” I mumbled.
I wasn’t sure what his reason for talking to me was, but I wanted him to leave me alone. “Yo, have you seen—”
“No!” I blurted out. “Nobody wants your trash-ass weed.”
He held both hands up. “Damn! Like that? Of all people, you know the weed ain’t trash. You can fool everybody on campus likeyou’re the perfect girl, but I know.” He paused. “And you know that you’re a pretty girl with a habit.” He winked.
My eyes widened as I pushed past him. “Call me if you need that!” he yelled.
I hurried toward Laureaux Hall, rushed inside to my room, and closed the door. How was this the first day, and already bad things were happening? I stuck my hand in my purse and pulled out my pill bottle. I needed to calm my nerves and fast. I popped it open to see I only had one pill left.
“Fuck!” I snapped.
Harlem had me in a fucking bind. Had he been timing how long it had been since he last served me? Harlem didn’t just sell weed to students; he had a little of everything. The one thing I couldn't resist, he had it.
I tilted the bottle, letting the Xanax drop into my hand. People judged me, but we all had vices, whether it was a drug, sex, sports, or control; this was part of what made me Black perfection. I stared at the pill long and hard before I quickly tossed it in my mouth and swallowed without anything to chase it with. While I waited for it to kick in, I sat on the bed thinking about how this had all started.
It was my freshman year, and I had been invited to my first Greek Party. I was excited, yet nervous at the same time. Reagan begged me to go because she didn’t want to be alone. I knew this would be my only shot to really put myself out there and be seen. However, the way my anxiety was setup it began to put a fear in me that made me feel like the walls were closing in.
Reagan offered me a drink to calm my nerves as she finished getting dressed, but it didn’t matter how many swigs I took of her cheap wine; I was still nervous.
“Girl, relax. If we want the Gray and Gold to even consider us, we need to be at this party. The wine takes a minute, but it will kick in,” she smiled as she turned back to the mirror.
I tugged at my dress as I looked at her. “I know, but what if it’s like one of those movies where the mean girl only invited us to set us up for embarrassment?”
Reagan laughed. “You are tripping, but I think I got something to fix that. Look, we’re going to have fun by any means necessary. We’re young, in college, and away from our parents. Apple, you only get one life, so live it,” she said as she walked over toward her drawer, pulling out a small bag.
My eyes became fixated on the pills. “What’s that?” I asked.
She pulled a single pill out of the bag and handed it to me. “I call it perfection. This will make all those worries go away. You will feel invincible.” She shrugged. “I take them when I feel a lot of anxiety.”
I glanced at the pill in my hand. Did I want to take this? Did I want something to alter the way I felt? I looked back up at Reagan, whose confidence was at an all-time high. She seemed perfect in every way. This wasn’t like high school, where I could deceive people by putting on a cute outfit. This felt different. My hand slowly lifted as I tossed the pill into my mouth and chased it with the cheap wine.
“This is only for tonight,” I mumbled to myself.
My parents had always warned me about peer pressure, and despite all their teachings, I was somehow being sucked in like a damn vacuum.
The sound of my alarm pulled me from my thoughts. I tapped my phone to turn it off as the sudden feeling of the pills coursed through my body. I never imagined that after that day, it would turn into this. However, every time I swallowed perfection, she made me feel invincible.
CHAPTER FOUR
Seeing Samara and not being able to say shit to her stung. I was already in the hot seat, but now a nigga was cooked. When I got to my class, I sat my ass right in the back. Although I had the knowledge, I was never the nigga who raised his hand first.
“I hope everyone went over the syllabus because it will not be reiterated. My rules are simple. On time, my time, and completed time. If you don’t know what it means, figure it out. Now, welcome to the world of Physics.”
I shook my head and ran my hand over my face. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was thinking, majoring in science, but the idea seemed good when I enrolled. Now here I was about to sit through a class of bullshit.
I eased my phone out of my pocket to check and see if I had a text from Chi Kappa Chi, but I had nothing yet. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and that made me nervous. I opened my laptop to take notes when I saw Phoebe’s creepy ass walk in. I was surprised when Streets brought her to the kickback because she was like the awkward Black girl, and that nigga was like the jock. When her eyes connected with mine, she scooted those fucking thick-ass Doc Martens my way.
“Hey, Dio,” she whispered.
