The word avoidance sits heavy on me because it’s how I handled so many of the problems in my life until recently.
“We were a triad,” I say plainly. “That was our normal.”
“And now?” she asks.
I hesitate. “I don’t know what now is.”
Zaria swallows.
“Even having this conversation feels like we’re doing something wrong,” she admits. “Like we’re looking to replace her.”
I nod immediately. “Yeah. It does.”
Dr. Manning studies us closely.
“What specifically feels like betrayal?” she asks.
“The idea of adding someone else,” Zaria says, voice tight. “It feels like erasing her.”
“It feels like saying what we had wasn’t enough,” I add.
“And was it?” Dr. Manning asks gently.
“Yes,” we both say at the same time.
“It was perfect but short lived,” Zaria adds.
Silence settles.
“Then adding someone in the future,” she continues, “wouldn’t erase Lena. It would reflect who you are as individuals and as a couple.”
Zaria looks down at our joined hands.
“I don’t even know if I want that,” she says honestly. “Not right now. The thought of someone else touching what we built… it makes my chest hurt.”
I nod.
“I’m not closed off to the idea in theory,” I say slowly. “But in reality? It feels too soon. Too complicated.”
Dr. Manning tilts her head. “Is it a point of contention between you?”
Zaria shakes her head. “No.”
“We’re aligned,” I say. “It just feels like we have other things we can deal with before making that a focal point.”
“Good,” Dr. Manning replies. “Alignment matters more than certainty.”
She leans forward slightly.
“Let me offer something practical. You’re both grieving. You’re rebuilding closeness. Introducing a new dynamic while you’re still stabilizing would likely amplify insecurity.”
Zaria nods faintly.
“So instead of asking whether you should add someone,” Dr. Manning continues, “why not focus on discovering what your new normal looks like as two?”
I agree with Dr. Manning. We haven’t even figured out us yet.
“You once had closeness,” she says. “You once had romance that felt natural. Reestablish that first. Strengthen your foundation. Then, months or years from now, if the idea of expanding feels fluid in the progression of your relationship rather than reactive, you can revisit it.”
