“I promise I will not let you die on my watch.” He pulls my hand that’s still in his and starts walking. “You gotta get over that fear of yours and make the ferris wheel fearyou.”
Gearing closer and closer to the ride, the thought of going on it isn’t as daunting as I expected it to be. It could be that I’molder and wiser than my traumatic experience as a kid, but deep down, I know the reason for my ease of anxiety is due to the man standing next to me.
I feel a squeezing pressure on my shoulders and turn around to see Henry looking down at me.
“I can see your shoulders tensing up from a mile away, Winslow,” he says, massaging away the worry. “I promise you’re brave and will come off of this ferris wheel wanting to do it again.”
“I highly doubt that.” I roll my eyes teasingly.
“Either way, you’re still brave for doing something you’re afraid of,” he reassures me. “Can I ask why you’re afraid of the ferris wheel?”
I’m afraid to say it out loud. I don’t want him thinking I’m pathetic for having a fear of heights and being claustrophobic. But then I remember how he told me I was brave, and that helps me get the words out.
“Remember when I said I used to come here with my mom a lot? When I was about seven, I decided I wasn’t scared of the ferris wheel anymore and my mom was so excited, it was her favorite ride as a little girl. I wanted to be just like her and I felt like I was finally ready.” I take a deep breath. “Unfortunately, when we got to the top, the ride broke down and we ended up being stuck up there for two hours. It was so small and hot, I had my first panic attack while we were waiting to get down. Ever since then, I haven’t done well with heights or small spaces and tense up when put in those situations.”
That experience may seem small to some, but being able to talk about it out loud is a huge milestone for me.
“I’m so sorry. I’ve never had a panic attack so I can’t understand what you went through, but I’m so sorry you went through that.” He intertwines his hands in mine. “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
“I’m sure.” I squeeze his hand in reassurance.
“I’ll be here with you the whole time, I promise I won’t take my eyes off of you,” he says.
Before I can process his words, the ride attendant cuts off all the thoughts in my brain. “Two tickets please.” Henry lets go of my hand which makes me instantly miss his touch. He passes the attendant two tickets and whispers something that I can’t quite hear but I hear them respond with a, “No, sir, you’re all good.”
“Are you ready, Winslow?”
I take another deep breath. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
He takes my hand in his again and leads me to the chair which we’ll be sitting in.
“Brave girls first.” He lets go of my hand but immediately puts it on my lower back to guide me to the seat.
He sits next to me and with the tight fit of the bench, the sides of our bodies are flush against each other. For a second, the feeling of him next to me is taking away all thoughts of being on the ferris wheel and the fact that we’re about to be up so high. That thought quickly goes away when the attendant shuts the door.
“Can I hold your hand?” I ask without thought.
“Of course, use me in any way you need.”
I feel the ride start up and stare straight ahead to the fair in front of us as it gets smaller the higher we go.
“What was your favorite ride to go on when you would come here with your mom?” Henry’s words intrude my thoughts which is most likely for the better.
“Oh, um.” My mind is empty of anything that isn’t about heights and close spaces. “You know that huge slide that you go down with that dingy piece of cloth?”
“Well, of course.”
“My mom would sit on a bench and let me slide down it for hours.” I notice my leg shaking but I’m not even thinking about the height as I feel Henry’s hand move to my thigh and the shaking stops. “I loved the rush of the air pushing against me as I was flying down, and seeing my mom smiling at the bottom waiting for me to ask if I could go again.” I look up from his hand on my leg to see Henry looking at me, a warm smile on his face and his eyes on me like he never took them off me in the first place.
“We should go on it today, make mini Maisie proud of her overcoming the ferris wheel.”
“I haven’t overcome it yet, there’s still time for hell to break loose.”
“I asked the attendant before we got on if it’s broken down this season and he said it hasn’t in a few years.”
“Is that what you whispered to him earlier?”
“Yes,” his thumb brushes across my thigh, rubbing in circular motion, “I wanted to make sure you were going to be safe.”
