His eyes scan the room as if he’s still looking for an intruder, making sure I am truly safe. He clears his throat before sticking the gun back in the holster on the chest strap he wears. Tav crosses his arms over his chest before changing his mind and slips his hands into the pockets of pants.
“What?” I burst out.
“Torin said you’re ready to go off your suppressants so that your body can go through a heat cycle.”
I can feel my face heating in embarrassment. Talking with my therapist, doctor and Torin about that is one thing. But Tav, an alpha, who isn’t even mine, is a whole different story. I’ve knownhim, Callax, and Josh for two years, and they’ve seen me at my worst, but some things a woman should be able to keep to herself.
Am I right?
“I told him I’d think about it. He wanted to check out that Heatwave place in case I wanted to use their services.” I duck my head, not able to look him in the face. The only time they’ve ever used their alpha bark on me has been the few times I relapsed and cut. Other than that, they refuse to use it on me, not wanting to bring up memories of that night. “And I’m glad everyone is so concerned with my heat.”
I turn and take the package back to my desk and set it down. When I get there, I don’t open it; I just stand there frozen. I feel him step up behind me, his coffee and cinnamon scent thick with worry. His firm hands land on my shoulders, squeezing gently. I smile, him and the others being able to touch me without me flinching or trying to pull away didn’t happen until almost a year ago.
“We care about you. It may say you’re Torin’s sister on paper, but blood or not, that’s how we think of you. You deserve a pack that loves you. A heat that should be the way every omega wants. You can tell us you don’t, but I know that somewhere deep inside it’s what you want too.”
I can’t answer him, because it would be a lie. Even though I tell myself I don’t want a pack, I secretly do. Watching the way they treat Torin over the last two years, even though for the most part he doesn’t act as a conventional omega, made that desire grow. Who doesn’t want someone who loves you unconditionally?
Reaching up I place my hand on top of his and squeeze. “I know all of you do. It’s just… I’m scared. My first time was robbed from me, and I have to live with that forever. Going into heat and being with a pack of men I don’t even know is overwhelming. A part of me is afraid something bad will happen.But the thought of going through one alone is even more daunting.” I let out a sigh as my lip quivers. I refuse to cry.
“That’s not going to happen,” he growls, spinning the chair around so I have to face him. “There’s no fucking way any of us are going to let anyone hurt you. Torin will vet anyone that you choose. We’ll have it at a safehouse. And I know this makes you uncomfortable, but we’ll be there to make sure nothing happens that you don’t want.” He wipes the tears from my face. “We’re not your alphas but we will take care of you, River. Just like Storm would if he could be here.”
“But it’s too dangerous,” I whisper. “Because we don’t know if anyone is looking for me.”
“You know it still is. Someone was looking into the death of the Hartman Pack. If someone hadn’t tried to reopen the case six months ago, we would’ve felt you were safe. We need to make sure they’ve moved on before…”
I reach up, taking hold of his wrist. “I know. Thank you.”
He lets go of me and steps back. “Just think about it. If you truly are planning for next month, then don’t take what’s in that box. We’re going to have pizza and wings for dinner, Callax and Josh should be home in an hour with the food. Join us.”
I nod my head. He turns and leaves the house, shutting the door behind him.
I lift my finger to my mouth and nervously bite on my lip as I think about what the hell I’m going to do.
Can I really go through a heat with a pack? I think to myself as I slide back down into my chair.
My knee begins to jump as my foot taps the floor. The compulsion to cut takes over and tries to claw its way back to the forefront, but I push it away again. I can’t go back to that. Not now. Not if I want to continue to heal and move forward on a positive path. Therapy. I need to call and schedule some more appointments. Especially if I decide to go off the suppressants tohave my heat, I’m going to need some extra sessions to deal with all the emotions it’s going to bring forward.
I pick up the box, holding it in my hands as if the answer will magically appear. But it doesn’t. This is a choice I’m going to need to make for myself. If I do it now, I have the guys behind me, protecting me, making sure it goes the way it should. If I wait, I may not have that luxury.
Forty minutes pass, and I finally make my decision. Placing the box back on my desk, I stand and leave my little apartment and head to the main house. I’ve barely stepped on the porch when I hear the loud, boisterous voices of the men inside.
I open the door and step inside, immediately being hit with all their scents. Coffee, cinnamon, pine and spearmint. It’s familiar. It’s home, but not.
“I was about to come get you.” Torin steps into the living room from the kitchen, taking my hand in his and pulls me behind him. “The guys just got home with the food.”
“I…umm... I want to talk to the four of you about something.”
“Go ahead, short stack,” Callax’s deep timber voice says as he places a couple slices of pizza on a plate and then does the same for another plate, adding an extra one to it and sets it down at the table. “Sit,” he tells us, giving Torin a playful wink.
“I’m going to do a heat cycle, but I have conditions.”
“What are they?” Josh asks, placing glasses of soda in front of me and Torin.
“I want it at a safehouse like you mentioned today, Tav. But I don’t want them to ask me any personal questions, use an alpha bark, or try to mark me.”
“Done,” they all say in unison.
Torin reaches under the table, placing his hand on my knee in comfort.
