Jefferson smiles at me.
“Hearing that you were also out, with another man, helped too.” Jefferson’s face goes white, his mouth parting slightly.
“Malcolm,” he starts, but I reach out, placing my fingers over his lips.
“Please let me finish.”
He nods, and my fingers drop away.
“I knew it was going to be hard, and I was going to need help. Someone told me about a site so I checked it out, paying for the service it offered. For someone to help me work through my insecurities and to become comfortable being in public and showing affection.” Jefferson clears his throat, his eyes going wide, as he tilts his head slightly as if realization is hitting him.
My mind starts swarming with thoughts of doubt about him ending our relationship. Again. All because of this. I lower my head, not sure if I’m looking him in the face that I can say what I need to.
“It was a business arrangement, but in the short time we knew each other, he became a friend.” I pause, preparing myself for the next part. “Somewhere along the way, feelings developed. Things became heated. Intimate. It doesn’t change the fact I’m in love with you, Jefferson, but I’m falling for him too. It’s new, and I’m not sure he feels the same. I never had a chance to talk with him about it. And now, he’s ghosting me.”
I did it. I told him. I finally look up and he’s staring back at me. But he’s not responding. He’s quiet and my stomach churns. I’ve lost him again, and Bradley doesn’t even want to talk to me.
“I love you, Malcolm.”
What? Did he just say that?
“What you just said has made things a little clearer for me.”
“Clearer?” I ask, confused by his words.
“Yes. The person you heard I was out with, it wasn’t just some guy.”
My heart plummets into my stomach. Did he already have someone before he broke up with me? Did he just assume I would never get my shit together and come out? But, would I have gotten it together? Him breaking up with me was the catalyst for my change.
“Don’t.” His voice is hard. “I can see the wrinkles forming on your forehead already from you overthinking. I had an event to go to and I didn’t want to go alone. Just like you, I heard about a website that helps with issues like that and I contracted a date. One I had an instant attraction to and we clicked.” Jefferson reaches out, running his fingers through my hair, and I tilt my head into his touch.
I swallow, waiting to hear what comes next. Is he breaking up with me? I thought last night we were moving back toward what we were. But maybe not?
“There’s something more with him than just friendship or attraction. A connection. Much like you were just saying about the person who helped you.”
“Okay,” slips from my tongue.
“It’s where I was last night when you called and messaged. He was sick and I was taking care of him.” My ears perk, suddenly more interested in this guy. “Your phone call woke him up and well, he saw your picture. His whole demeanor changed after that, and today he’s ghosting me.”
“Bradley?” His name flows effortlessly from my mouth.
“Yes,” Jefferson answers while nodding. “It seems somehow we both found the same attractive, younger man and fell head over heels for him. I’m not sure about you, but I planned to tell you about him tonight and see if you wanted to explore something further with him. Long term.” He clears his throat, and I swallow the lump that I had built in mine. “Would you be interested in that? Making our duo a trio?”
My mind immediately shoots to what people would think? Three people in a relationship together. But then I remember my son. It’s what he has and I don’t care. I don’t think any differently about him because he is. Besides, I'm firmly in my embracing who I am, era.
“Do you think he does? He has been ghosting us.” I whisper, my voice cracking with emotion.
“I think he’s ghosting us not because he doesn’t want to be with us, but more about him being scared we’re not going to want him. Bradley knew I had an ex I was still madly in love with, but that we were at separate places in our lives. He never knew your name.”
“And I never told him yours. I think he’s scared and hiding and avoiding is the only way he knows how to handle it.”
I bite my lip, thinking about what I want to say. “We can do this? All be together and there not be any jealousy?”
“The only way we’ll know if we can is by talking to him. Making sure he wants us. Both of us. Then in the words of Nike, we just do it.”
I lean in to him, pressing my lips to his, whispering huskily. “Then let’s go get him.”
Chapter 32
