“I’d love to.” Before she stands, she pauses, looking at me with those serious eyes of hers. “So, do we have popcorn for the show afterwards?” I pick up the throw pillow from the corner of the couch and give her a playful, but slightly firm swat across the head.
“Just for that, no lasagna for you,” I announce boldly, standing and heading to the kitchen, listening to her cries of that being unfair as she goes.
The clink of silverware against our empty plates is the only sound. Dinner was full of awkward quietness and forced conversations. The kids kept it going, telling us stories of what’s happening in their lives, keeping my parents entertained in conversation.
It was a silent prayer of thanks, prolonging the inevitable moment that’s looming ahead of me. My coming out to my family as gay.
My father leans back in his chair, hands resting on his stomach, glancing over at my mother before clearing his throat.
"So," he begins, "you said you wanted to talk to us about something tonight? It’s getting late and your mother and I need to be getting home to the dogs and to watch the news."
My mother perks up instantly, her eyes lighting up, eager for me to spill the news. “Yes,” she says just a little too quickly, “You were being very mysterious about it. We thought, well…” She pauses, smiling expectantly. “Is this about you and Paige?”
I blink, taken aback for a second, about why she would think it’s about her. But I don’t have to ask because she’s quicker than me.
“Why would it be about me?” Paige questions her, setting down the glass of water she’d just picked up.
Mom laughs, not unkind, but definitely uncomfortable. Dad looks down at his empty water glass and turns it slowly between his fingers.
“Well?” Paige asks again.
I sigh, “Mom, it’s not about Paige!” I draw out in frustration. “Why would you think that? It has nothing to do with her.”
My mother’s face falls so fast it’s almost cruel. “Oh,” she gasps visibly, working on placing a masked smile on her face to cover her disappointment. “But… you two have been spending time together again, haven’t you? And well, her husband isn’t here. I just thought the two of you had come to your senses and gotten back together.”
“We’re just friends,” I reiterate, firmer now. “That’s all. Nothing more. She’s still married.”
“Happily, I might add,” Paige pipes up.
Another pause. The kids snicker, both of them knowing that we’re not together and astounded my mom would even think such a thing.
My father shifts in his chair, clearly regrouping, perhaps already preparing a “well, are you sure about that” speech. But I don’t want to hear it. I need to get this over with. Otherwise I’m going to chicken out.
“Sorry to get your hopes up, Mom, but it’s not what I want to talk to you about.” I take a deep breath. “There’s been something I needed to talk to you and the kids about. I’ve been keeping it a secret and I can’t any longer. Paige is here because she knows.”
My mother gasps, her hand flying to her mouth, as her voice squeaks. “Are you sick? Please don’t tell me it’s cancer.”
Of course, she would jump to that conclusion.
“Dad?” both Henry and Alice ask in unison.
Paige reaches out, taking hold of Alice’s hand and squeezes it.
“I’m perfectly healthy. Got a clean bill of health at my last checkup. No, what I need to tell you is something elsecompletely.” I glance over at Paige, and she nods her head in approval as she smiles widely. “Kids, I love your mom, you know that.” They both nod. “But our love is and has always been platonic. She’s my best friend. I don’t regret a moment of our time together because it gave us the two of you. But we were both lying.”
“Son,” my father interjects harshly, but I hold up my hand, stopping him.
“Let me finish, Dad. Please, this is hard enough as it is.”
He clears his throat. “Fine.”
“Like I said, there’s something I’ve been keeping from you, and there’s no way to say this other than to just do it.” I pause, swallow hard, my pulse racing, and I’m afraid I’m going to pass out. “I was seeing someone. A person I loved with all my heart, but my secret kept us from being everything we could.”
“Malcolm, you’re confusing me. Just tell us.” My mom’s voice cracks as she leans into my dad.
“Okay, I’m just going to rip the bandaid off. I’m gay.”
The room goes quiet. I stare at the table, afraid to look at anyone. To see the expression on their faces at my news. But then all hell erupts.
