I can’t help but laugh. Because being on my knees wasn’t in the plan for the night. “All of it,” I eventually mumble. “The way you looked at me all night. The ease of conversation. And well, if I’m honest, all the spicy moments.” I pause. “I hate that the night’s ending.”
“Technically it’s not ending. We’re staying here tonight so the end won’t come until the morning.”
“Oh, okay. So this is the part where you tell me that when we leave in the morning, we pretend that everything after the end of our paid time never happened?”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Only if that’s what you want us to do.”
I hesitate for a minute. Unsure what to say. The truth. A lie. Some stupid dad joke. In the end, I choose the path of telling the truth.
“I don’t.”
“Good,” he says, voice dipping lower. “Because I was hoping you’d say that.”
Jefferson lifts up, leaning over just enough so that he can kiss me on the lips. Not deep and passionate. It’s a soft kiss; one thatis filled with possibility. And when he’s done he drops back onto his pillow.
Silence falls between us, nothing but the soft hum of our breathing. But I need to know something else. I know if I don’t ask him, it will fester and keep me up all night. An afterthought rushes to my mind; maybe I should put a warning on the site that I’m a rambler.
“Are you a cuddler?”
Shit. What if he’s not a cuddler? I am, and before the night’s over, I’ll be wrapped around him like a damn koala. He turns onto his side, tucking one arm beneath his head while the other rests on the blanket draped over the lower half of our bodies.
His face is expressionless as he looks at me. No, scratch that. He looks straight through me. A knot builds in my throat, working its way up. It feels awkward now. That after sex moment when you start to wonder if you should just go. But he asked me to stay. Why am I feeling this way? Oh crap! Did he just say that to be nice but he thought I would get what he really meant and get dressed and leave? Immediately I’m going down the rabbit hole of what if’s.
“Cuddling. That’s a good question. But to answer it I’d have to talk about my ex and it seems kind of rude to do that,” he pauses, slightly nodding his head as he contemplates his next words. “After what we just shared.”
A heavy sigh of relief rushes from me and I can breathe freely. He’s worried about talking about his ex with me. That’s sweet. Jefferson is worried about my feelings. It’s what couples or people who care deeply for the other do. This feels like a good sign for us.
“Okay.” I roll over to my side, facing him, my hand dropping down onto the sheet in front of me as I draw lazy circles waiting for his response.
He laughs, deep, scratchy and so out of place for the conversation we’re having. “You really want to hear about cuddling and my ex?”
“Yeah. I mean if you don’t feel comfortable sharing those details, I understand.”
He lowers his hand on top of mine, gripping it gently, before lifting it to his lips, kissing it softly.
“I find it a breath of fresh air that you do. I loved my ex with all my heart. I still do. We haven’t been broken up for long. But it feels like an eternity.”
Fuck. Here I was thinking I had a shot with this man. It’s clear just from the start of this he’s still hung up on this guy.
“He was very reserved, for lack of a better word. PDA wasn’t his thing, so when we were alone cuddling was my way of staying connected to him. So while I wasn’t cuddly initially, I grew to love it.”
I gnaw on my lip, letting what he told me sink in.
“Why did you break up? It sounds like you were in love. That you still are.”
Jefferson presses his lips together, closing his eyes as he inhales deeply then blows it out slow and steady.
“We are in different places. I want to move forward—he doesn’t. I still love him, but if I’d stayed, I would’ve ended up resenting him.”
“I’m sorry. It must be rough to love someone and not be with them.” While I mean every word, inside I’m jumping for joy that he’s single.
“It is. Especially when I still have to see him. It would be easier if I broke up with him and that was the end of it. Blocking him from being able to call me and unfriending me on social media should have been all I needed to do. But when he still has business dealings with me, it isn’t that easy. Instead, I get to relive my heartache every time I see him.”
“You see him a lot?” I question. A knot forms in my throat at the new tidbit.
“More than I care to. Thankfully, I’ve been able to use my assistant to run interference for some of those meetings. But he’s persistent.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach out, placing my hand on his chest, his heart beating rapidly. “There isn’t any chance the two of you will work it out? Find a common ground to meet where you’re both getting your needs met?”
