Ezra: Can we talk?
My heart drops to my stomach. He wants to talk. Now, after all this time. When I’ve started something with Roxy. Could this get any more complicated?
I want to answer him. To reply to his text. With all my heart. My fingers itch to open the phone icon and dial his number. But I don’t. I can’t. What if he’s wanting to tell me it’s over? Then there’s no hope left. It’ll all be squashed, and my great love affair with him will be over.
A sharp pain pierces my heart, and I clutch my chest as a tear slides down my face.
There’s no way I can study. My mind isn’t there. And I can’t answer. Not yet. I could go to Roxy, let her hold me, help guide me on what to do. But that’s not fair to her, even though I know she would.
Reaching over, I place my phone back on my nightstand, then shove my books to the side before climbing out of bed only long enough to turn out the light. I doubt I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but I sure as hell won’t be able to focus on anything school related.
“He messaged me last night,” I blurt out as I pour my cup of coffee.
I barely slept a wink after receiving those texts. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, fighting the urge to message Ezraback, to call him. To not slip on my shoes and drive over to this house. I still have a key. I could easily let myself in.
“What did he want?” she asks, stepping up beside me, pushing my hair off my shoulder and kissing me gently.
“To talk. I don’t know for sure. I didn’t respond.”
She sighs. Not one of frustration or anger. But of heaviness.
“You need to message him. Both of you need to talk and work out this issue between you.”
“And what about you?” I turn to face her, my eyes already welling up with tears that I’m holding in with all my might.
“You know where I’ll be. Right here. Waiting for you. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”
I just nod my head. She kisses me softly on the lips, then presses her forehead against mine.
“It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to work out and you’ll get exactly what you want.”
I snort. I’m glad someone believes that. What I really wish is that it was me.
“I'll message him. See if we can get together and talk in person. That way I can tell him about us, too.”
“Then go get your phone. Do it now before you chicken out.” She takes hold of my shoulders and gently moves me to the side as she steps up to the counter. “I have the coffee. I’m going to put yours in a thermos, since you need to be leaving for class.”
I take a deep breath and head to my room. Once I’m there, I sit down on the edge of the bed. My fingers tremble as I pick up my phone and open the message thread with Ezra. It’s still early. He’s probably still home, getting ready to head to school.
My fingers hover over the screen, waiting patiently while I build up the courage to reply.
“Don’t overthink it!” Roxy shouts, her voice echoing into my room all the way from the kitchen.
I don’t answer her, instead I start to type.
Me: I’d like to talk to you too. Can we do it today?
I hit the send button and immediately it shows read, just before the dots start bouncing up and down and his reply comes through.
Ezra: Can we do it in person?
Me: I think that’s best.
This conversation feels so formal. So cold. Not like two people who were so deeply in love. One who still is.
Ezra: Can you meet me at my house after I get done at school? I’ll come straight home.
Me: I can’t then. I have work.
