“No, you said he cheated. How do you know?”
“It’s nothing, Carter. You can’t fight my battles for me. Let’s just go home,” I plead. Me and my damn big mouth. I never meant to let Carter know how Blake came home that night. It was a secret I planned to take to the grave unless Blake said something, which I doubt he would.
“Chase, you have two seconds to tell me why you think he cheated on you before I drop you off and hunt his ass down.” His knuckles tighten around the steering wheel, his eyes blazing with barely contained fury.
“The night we had the fight, when I told him I didn’t want to tell everyone we were in a relationship, you saw how mad he was. It wasn’t that I never planned to, but I wanted to do it in phases, versus ripping the BandAid off.” I look down in my lap, my eyes focusing on my cell phone like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “You know I’ve struggled with coming out, so I wanted to do it first, then let everyone know I was seeing Blake.But he got pissed, thinking I was hiding him, pushing him back into the closet, and stormed off, saying we were done. You saw him leave to go out, but when he came home, he took off his shirt and his back was covered in scratches and he had hickeys.”
Carter stays silent, his calm demeanor betrayed only by the ironclad grip he has on the steering wheel. I’ve never seen him like this—so quiet, so unreadable.
“Carter.” I finally break the silence as he shifts the truck into gear and pulls away from the curb.
“Are you hungry?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “I am. How do wings sound? The restaurant is just up the road.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I reply. “Carter, just forget about what I told you. I shouldn’t have said anything to you.”
“No, I’m glad you did,” is all he says. “Can you believe Ginny is Coach Lein’s daughter? Holy shit, what are we going to do?”
Fuck me if I know. My mind’s been so wrapped around Blake’s dismissal of me, I haven’t taken the time to process that the other person I love is here and she’s not who we thought she was. But are we who she thought we were? We kept secrets from her. Well, not really secrets, since we all agreed not to tell any personal information about ourselves.
We drive the rest of the way in silence, only breaking it to exchange a few words while going through the drive-thru at Wings-A-Million to order our food. They hand over the bag, and Carter tucks it under the seat where I’m sitting, the warm scent of spicy wings and fries filling the cab. Without another word, he pulls back onto the road, the quiet between us growing heavier with every passing mile as we head toward home.
When we pull up in front of our place, Carter doesn’t park. Instead, he pulls in front of the building and shifts the truck into park.
“Aren’t you coming up?” I ask, confused at what he’s doing.
“Nah. I forgot I need to run to the store and pick something up.” His eyes twitch, and I know he’s lying. That, and he won’t look me in the face. “Please Carter, just drop what I told you. Don’t say anything to Blake. I don’t need to give him another reason to be mad at me.”
“He fucking cheated on you. I told him if he did anything to hurt you, I’d kill him. I let it go, hoping the two of you would sort the situation out, but knowing he went out and fucked someone because he was pissy isn’t right. He’s dead.”
“Carter, please, just let it go.” I sigh, grabbing the handle and pushing the door open. “For me, please. Let us handle this ourselves. I’m a big boy, I can do it. I’m not going to beg him to be with me if he doesn’t want to be. If he loved me like he said he did, he’d be trying to work shit out, but he's not.” I pick up the bag of food from my seat and shut the door, before opening the back one, taking my gym bag off the seat. “Park and come inside,” I plead one final time.
“I’ve got to go to the store,” he says casually. I narrow my eyes, glaring at him. “Seriously,” he adds, holding up his hands defensively. “I need deodorant, body wash, and razors—unless you want me walking around smelling like ball sweat.”
“Promise me, Carter,” I tell him as I hold open the truck door.
“I gotta go. I’ll see you when I get back.” I stand there frozen, waiting for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Resigning to defeat, I shut the door and step back from the truck as he takes off. This is just going to make it worse, and I can already imagine how much more Blake is going to hate me.Does it even matter anymore at this point?
I stand there in the cold, staring after Carter until the taillights of the truck have long disappeared and only the street light illuminates my solace. Turning slowly, I trudge up the stairs and head inside the building. I’m not sure how I make it to my room; it’s as if I’m on autopilot.
Dropping my gym bag to the floor, I step over to my desk and sit down, placing the takeout food and drink on it, then turn on my laptop. Now that I know who Ginny is, I want to know more about her. I already know she’s an ice skater, a big surprise considering how she went on about not knowing how to skate. And who was that guy with her? She never mentioned having a boyfriend.
I open the bag, pull out the container of wings, and pick one up. With the first bite, my taste buds are assaulted with a burst of garlic and parmesan.Fucking delicious.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out quickly, hoping that it might be Blake.
When I see that it’s Henley, that hope disappears.
Henley: Sorry about earlier.
Me: No problem. Had some stuff to do anyway.
I click out of our message thread, not wanting to say anything more to him. He’s caught in the middle of two teammates, not a place I’d want to be. Instead, I scroll to the thread I have with Blake. He still hasn’t read any of the messages I sent him.
My fingers stay poised on the small keyboard as I think of what to say. Trying my damndest to talk myself out of making any more of a fool of myself.
I don’t know how long I sit there before I finally say fuck it and type out what I’m feeling.
Me: I miss you so much, Blake. This is so hard for me. I spilled my guts today to you, in front of the whole team and it meant nothing to you. Coming out as bisexual wasn’t easy for me. It’s something that hasbeen a stressor for years. I didn’t plan to hide you or our relationship. All I wanted was time to do it in my own way, at my own pace and you couldn’t understand that. Instead of staying with me that night so we could talk and work through this together, you left me. Then you came home and I saw the evidence of your betrayal. One fight and you find someone else. I must not have meant as much to you as I thought. Is that why it was so easy to just blow me off again today?
