They take off like a bolt of lightning, and I feel a little relieved. While I know that Amberlee intended to get the kids out of the house, I’m just happy it’s going off without a hitch.
“Can I get the car seats?” Amberlee asks, and it’s killing me that she’s so far away from me and I can’t walk over and wrap her in my arms and kiss her. Not until the air is cleared with Ryan.
Maddy steps over to the hook on the wall where the keys are and takes her set off, thrusting them at Amberlee.
“Take my car. I’ve got two booster seats in it. We got a new one for RJ yesterday and haven’t taken the old one out yet.” I don’t miss the wink she gives her just as the kids dart back into the room.
“Okay, let’s go kids. We just need to walk over to my apartment and get my purse.” Amberlee glances between me and her brother and when he turns his head she blows me a kiss, then leaves.
“Okay man, grab us some beers, and let's head outside. I’ve got to get the grill fired up.” He picks up an aluminum tray from the counter and I open the fridge pulling out two bottles of Bud Light.
I head out the back door, trepidation filling my heart. If I were in his place, I’d be murderous but I’m hoping when I say what I have to, he won’t feel that way.
When I step out onto the deck, I see he’s already at the grill. I take a deep breath, stepping over to him. My footsteps are heavy like lead, sinking into quicksand. But I know I only have a certain amount of time to talk to Ryan before Amberlee returns with the kids.
Ryan finishes what he’s doing and then turns around to face me. I hold out his beer to him before taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs.
“Okay spit it out. Something’s bothering you,” Ryan finally says, sitting in the chair across from me and taking a sip from his bottle.
I grip the bottle tighter, surprised doesn't crack under the pressure.
“Fuck, Ryan, I don’t even know how to start this.” I sigh.
“Jeremiah, man, it can’t be that bad. We’re best friends. Did I do something?” He pauses, taking a swallow of his beer. When I don’t respond he speaks again. “Does it involve Angel? Please tell me that bitch hasn’t come back to cause trouble. She lost all rights to you and your daughter as soon as she signed the papers ending your marriage and her parental rights.”
I pick at the label on the bottle, the edges curling up as I pull pieces of the soaked paper off.
“No, it’s not her,” I bite back at him, not even wanting to think of her and myself in the same sentence.
“Then what is it?”
He stares intently at me, waiting for me to speak, giving me the time to do that. I need to get this off my chest, keeping this secret from him is killing me. I just need to rip the bandaid off and tell him. The more I hem and haw around, the harder it’s going to be.
“You’re my best friend and I love you, Ryan. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you or your family,” I pause, needing a moment to compose my thoughts.
“I feel the same way.” Ryan leans forward in the chair.
Breathe in, breathe out. My heart pounds and my ears are ringing. It feels as if the world is crashing in on me. Each breath I take is a struggle. But I need to do this. To get it out.
“Fuck, this is hard as shit. I’ve been keeping a secret from you. And it’s killing me. But in order to move forward I need to tell you, because it doesn’t just involve me.”
I set the beer on the floor, wiping my hands on my pants.
“Jeremiah, what the hell are you trying to tell me?” His voice has gotten deeper, colder, as if he’s bracing himself for the worst.
“There’s no other way to say it. I’m in love with your sister. I have been for a long time and she’s in love with me. We want to be together. Neither one of us wants to sneak around behind your back.”
I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. He’s just staring at me, piercing eyes, nostrils flaring as he bares his teeth. The vein on the side of his head protrudes, beating in sync with his heavy breathing.
He clenches his hand around the bottle.
“You fucking what?” He sets the bottle down, before standing and pacing across the deck. “Please tell me this is some fuckingjoke and that Ashton Kutcher is hiding somewhere with a camera ready to tell me I’ve been punked.”
There’s nothing I can say because every word was the truth.
“You’re in love with my sister? When did you make this huge revelation? Did you fucking take advantage of her at the beach?” He charges toward me, hands fisted and I know he’s going to punch me and I deserve it.
“Stop!” Maddy screams at him, stepping closer to him.
