The solution, according to Jeremiah, was to take responsibility for their actions. He wasn't marrying her because he loved her, but out of duty. Yeah, I eavesdropped again. My parents were sitting with them in the living room, and I hid at the top of the stairs.
"I can grow to love her.” I watch as he drops his head, looking at his clasped hands.
“Is that what you want to do?” my father asks.
Jeremiah sighs, lifting his gaze back to my dad.
“My parents were married under similar circumstances. She was pregnant, but with another man's child. He left her once he found out and my father stepped in. He was attracted to her, and after years of being together, he fell in love with her. He loved her until the day they both died in the car accident, along with my older sister." Jeremiah's voice drifted up to me.
"She's a good girl, and I think the two of you could make it work," my mother said sweetly, but she was wrong. Sylvia was a bitch.
What none of them knew was the next day after she slept with Jeremiah, she told Isa how she’d lied about being on the pill sohe wouldn't use a condom. Sylvia was trying to get pregnant and made it a point to sleep with him every chance she could during that visit to ensure she did.
I could have told them, but it wouldn’t have changed anything. Jeremiah wanted to be a part of his child's life, and I couldn't fault him for that. But in the back of my mind, there was a nagging question… was it really his child? People in small towns always talked, and with her reputation, anything was possible. But with how far along she was, it added up. As much as I didn’t want it to be true, it probably was.
“I see you're still good at being sneaky.” Ryan’s voice makes me jump, his laugh low and deep as he smiled at me. I didn’t notice him walking up I was so caught up in my thoughts.
"I'm not sneaky. I was thirsty and I was just going to get something to drink when I saw the four of you talking and I didn't want to interrupt. It looked serious." It wasn’t a lie. I had been thirsty, but I only sat down there to hear what they were saying.
"It is. Jeremiah asked Sylvia to marry him, and they are going to do it before he has to report back to base, and she's going with him." His voice didn’t hold excitement for his friend. Ryan seemed sad about it, almost angry. Could it have been he knew exactly what Sylvia was? A lying, conniving bitch?
My dream of having Jeremiah Dawson died that day for good. He was never going to be mine, no matter how much I dreamt of what could have been. He was a silly childhood crush, and I’d needed to learn to accept that.
But I didn’t.
He never left my mind and was never far from my heart.
Six months later Ryan came home to visit, sharing pictures of his new goddaughter. Jeremiah had a daughter. My heart shattered for a second time. I excused myself to my bedroom,crying until there were no more tears to shed. I vowed I would never again look for any news of Jeremiah Dawson.
I spent the weekend in my room. Thankfully my two besties were there for me. They talked about what a cunt Sylvia was. I laughed with them but my heart broke. She had his heart and his daughter and I had nothing of him—just memories of heartbreak.
It helped when he stopped coming home with Ryan as frequently. Why should he when he had a wife and child? They remained friends, even after Ryan was assigned to a base overseas. I went on with my childhood. I had boyfriends, went to prom, graduated, and then went to college, getting a degree in education. Being a teacher was what I always knew I wanted to do. My desire never faltered.
And neither did my feelings for the man I knew I couldn’t have.
Chapter 2
Amberlee
Seven years later
"Come on, sis, it'llbe fun. I'll get to see you and you'll get to spend time with your sister-in-law and your nephew. Plus, there's some really good schools here." Ryan’s familiar voice travels through the speaker of my cellphone, trying to convince me to move to North Carolina, which makes me miss him even more.
He was stationed there about six years ago. After meeting his wife overseas, they fell in love. She was also in the military. Their courtship was quick and within six months they were married and four months later she was pregnant.
Ryan knows this last year has been hell for me. I accepted a job at a school that turned out to be horrible. Being a new grad, I didn't know what to look for and unfortunately after a month there, I realized why the turnover rate at the school was so high.The principal was a tyrant and didn’t care for his students. I hated abandoning the kids, but being there was making me sick.
"Okay, fine. I'll look at the link you sent and apply. If I get hired, then I'll move there."
I'd overheard Mom and him talking and from the one-sided conversation she was getting, I knew Jeremiah was also stationed there. That was the only thing I hated. Hearing about him and Sylvia happy together. Their little family, which I'm sure has probably grown by now. Anytime someone brought him up in conversation, I exited the room. I never asked questions about him, and no one ever gave it up willingly. In my head Jeremiah was someone I knew existed but he never intertwined in my life.
When I went away to college, it got even easier to avoid all conversations about my first love. The one who still held the reins to my heart. The man I compared all other men to, and they always failed to even come close to the standard that Jeremiah had set. If I knew he was coming to visit with Ryan, I simply stayed at school, giving some excuse why I couldn’t come home all of a sudden. Thankfully on holidays he never came.
"Fucking A. I can't wait to tell Maddy. She will be so excited. All she's been talking about since I mentioned it to her was getting to know you better. And little Ryan will be, too. He loves his Aunt Lee Lee."
The excitement in his voice is contagious and I find myself actually hoping I get hired. Fayetteville is big. I can always find a way to avoid seeing Jeremiah. Who knows, maybe I'll find the new love of my life there and finally move on from this crush I’ve been harboring far too long.
"Well, I'm going to hang up so I can get started. Don't forget, if you're calling Mom and Dad, they're in Hong Kong, so remember the time difference."
