They turn and sneer.
Like they’re ever gonna let me fight.
I’m thirteen and skinny, more bone than muscle.
But out comes the money, crumpled fivers and tenners, shouts of odds and names I don’t know.
I spy the other lad across the way. He’s older, bigger, smirking at me like I’m a joke.
Dad’s hand lands on my shoulder and I jump. ‘Don’t you embarrass me, boy.’
The bell clangs – a lump of pipe against metal – and I’m shoved in.
He comes at me fast, no time to breathe. A fist to my ribs, another to my cheek. I taste blood, stumble, swing wild and miss. My dazed gaze finds Dad. He’s smirking too. And something ugly snaps loose inside me.
I hit back and it lands. Once. Twice. Harder. Faster. The lad fades but I don’t. I keep going. I see him, Dad. I see my life, the chaos. And I don’t stop. Not until someone drags me off.
The room erupts. Notes pass from hand to hand. Men slap Dad’s back. He’s grinning, hands on my shoulders, shaking me like I’ve scored the winning goal.
‘Did you see that?’ he shouts, yanking my fist to the rafters. ‘That’s my boy!’
The crowd’s cheer crashes through me, hot and dizzy. My chest heaves, my teeth rattle inside my skull. And there it is: the look on Dad’s face I thought I’d never see.
He’s proud. For the first time in my life, he’s proud.
And I hate myself for how good it feels.
But I know I’m gonna chase this feeling with everything I’ve got.
Power. Control. Me, always on top.
12
TAYLOR
I watch Ax pour himself a drink. His second, judging by the empty one discarded on the balcony outside. And I wonder what’s driving the need.
Me.
Lottie.
This.
Us.
All of the above.
‘Want one?’ he asks without turning.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘I think it’s a great idea.’
‘It’s really not. Not for either of us.’
He throws me a look over his shoulder, eyes challenging me as he lifts the glass. The way his tattooed fingers cradle it, the slow drag of his mouth on the rim, the bob of his throat as he swallows: every detail teases through me, daring me in more ways than one.
‘You wanted to talk,’ I say over the rising fire within. ‘So let’s talk.’
