I walk towards the voices in a trance, nails digging into my palms, hoping –praying– I’m not dreaming.
He’s there. In the living room at the end of the hall. Sadie stands in her bunny slippers and dressing gown, arms folded, glaring up at him like he’s the Antichrist. And I don’t blame her. He looks too good, too groomed, too in control for a man who shattered me last night.
Shattered me and left me like this. I don’t need a mirror to know my hair’s a frizzy disaster, my eyes red-rimmed, cheeks blotchy. And yeah, I’m wearing his old tee, because Iamthat desperate. Iamthat girl.
‘Sadie-baby, come on—’ Jesus, Theo’s here too. He steps into view. Another person to witness the car crash that is all me. ‘Let’s just let them talk and we’ll?—’
A sob jerks out of me, and they all turn.
‘Taylor…’
Axel strides towards me, fierce and determined, and I stumble back.
‘What are you— Why are you here?’
‘Baby…’
‘Don’t you dare Baby Girl me.’ I shake my head, prodding a weak finger at his chest and regretting it as soon as the contact zips along my arm. ‘Youleft. I told you I was sorry. I told you I love you and you— andyou?—’
I fold in on myself, turning away and racing for my room. But he’s right there behind me, his hand gentle on my shoulder. ‘Please, Taylor. Look at me.’
Slowly, I turn, my lashes lifting, eyes drinking in every inch: worn jeans, black henley, ink peeking at his collar, the beard I can feel without touching him, lips I can taste, eyes that I… that I lose myself in now.
The torment rages on, but there’s something else in his depths. Something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.
‘I shouldn’t have let you walk away,’ he says, his voice raw like he’s been talking for days. ‘But I was terrified. Terrified of ruining your life. Terrified of not being enough. Terrified of how badly I wanted a child that could never be.’
‘I know, Ax. And I’m sorry for that. I told you…’
Because no matter what else has passed between us, I can’t bear that I was the spark to all that pain for him.
‘Not as sorry as I am. I should’ve told you the truth from the start. And I didn’t. I still haven’t.’
I frown. ‘What truth?’
His throat works, his eyes burn, his fists flex like he’s fighting the urge to reach for me, but I’m not ready to go there. Not until I know what this is.
He wets his lips, a nervous gesture he rarely shows. ‘I didn’t agree to the pact just because I wanted to sleep with you, Taylor.’ His voice shakes. ‘I agreed because I was already in love with you. I’vealwaysbeen in love with you.’
My lips part, breath stalling. ‘I… I don’t understand.’
‘It really is simple. At least, according to Theo…’ His mouth pulls into a small, vulnerable tilt that flutters through my heart. ‘I’ve loved you since the day I met you. Since the day you looked at me like I was your bloody white knight. You stole my heart that day, and I never got it back.’
‘But you— you never once said anything, all that time, and you never…’
He gives a small, broken laugh. ‘You always knew I wore a mask; you just never knew the half of it.’
I shake my head, memories racing – all the times we were together, all the times we were close enough to?—
‘I think you’ll find the signs were there if you think about it hard enough. Those movies you made me watch, it was you that held my attention. Our business in the early days, having to sit back and watch over you with your clients, those that got too handsy…’ The memory vibrates through his tone now. ‘The way I fought to get you out of that job. The way I needed to always be there, close enough to protect you, far enough not to ruin you.’
‘Ruin me?’ I whisper. ‘Jesus, Axel. When will you understand? You’re worth a thousand other men. Ten thousand. A hundred thousand, even.’
‘And you still believe that?’ His dark brows lift, his eyes sparking. ‘Even knowing what a selfish bastard I was, using your desire for a baby to get you into my bed?’
I let his words sink in, let them twist around my heart, and then I ask the one thing I need to know. ‘You were willing to give me a baby and walk away because it was what I wanted. True?’
‘Yes.’ He nods. Tortured, but certain. ‘I knew it would break me, but I would’ve let you go. I swear it.’
