‘Fuck off, Theo.’
He slams the door shut on my limp grasp, squaring up to me despite the fact he’s half my bloody size.
‘I will not fuck off. You’ve broken her heart. You do know that, yeah? Sadie’s over there right now trying to hold her together while you’re here…’ His gaze drags over me in disgust. ‘Christ, you look half-cut.’
‘I’mfullycut. And it’s doing a much better job than you are. And don’t you dare judge me.’ The floor tilts and I steady myself against the wall. ‘Wasn’t long ago it was you crying into a whisky bottle.’
He stiffens, green eyes flickering behind his glasses. ‘Yeah. I remember. And the things you told me then… all that stuff about love not caring about logic or fairness…’
‘Yeah. What about it?’
His expression softens, just like the doc’s. And I hate it. Ifuckinghate it.
‘How long have you been in love with our best friend?’ he asks quietly.
My whole body coils tight, because of course he doesn’t know. He thinks this is a recent thing. Even if Sadie’s told him all she knows, he’ll think it began with the baby, becauseTay thinksit began with the baby.
I’m so sick and twisted, I didn’t even find the courage to come clean with her.
Pretending I deserved her, believing it, when all I was doing was living a lie.
A fantasy.
‘Ax?’
‘Forever, Theo. Happy now?’ The words rip out of me. ‘I’veloved her since the night I met you – since I dragged your sorry arse away from those idiots and she looked at me and…’
And I saw a glimmer of who I could be. Not the thug. Not the brute, or the criminal.
Someone worthy of more, so much more.
‘Jesus, Ax.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘And I thought my love for Sadie was bad…’
I grunt. ‘Yeah, well. Get in line.’
‘Okay, so tell me this,’ he says, shaking off his shock. ‘If you love her, why the hell is she crying on Sadie’s shoulder instead of yours?’
My head drops, the fight draining out of me in one long breath. ‘Because the baby that she wants, my baby, I can’t—’ My voice buckles. ‘I can’t give her that.’
‘What do you mean, “can’t”? You don’t want?—’
‘I’m infertile, Theo. The results came in today. I’m firing fucked-up blanks.’
‘Shit…’ He steps closer, face going pale. ‘Mate, I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t.’ I shake my head abruptly. ‘I don’t want your sympathy. Not yours. Not hers. Not anyone’s.’
He rubs his hands down his face. ‘But it’s not the end, right? There must be treatments, things they can do?—’
‘Not with me.’
He swallows, eyes wide as it sinks in. ‘And that’s why you ended it?’
‘It’s what she wanted, Theo. A baby. That’s why she chose me; that’s why we were together.’
‘She may have chosen you for a baby, Ax, but that’s not the reason she’s at home crying her heart out.’ His tone is maddeningly calm when everything in me wants to shatter. ‘She’s crying because she loves you. You were together because she loves you.’
I keep shaking my head, refusing to let it in.
