‘If you have any questions at any time, please call. There are people you can talk to. Other men who?—’
‘I’m good, Doc.’
I just need her to stop. No more words. No more blows.
Taylor threads her fingers through mine as we walk out, and I let her – but I don’t feel any of it. No heat. No comfort. Just a hollow ache that widens with every step.
Because I didn’t want this once.
Not kids. Not fatherhood.
Not any of it.
Until her.
Until she planted the seed.
And now it’s gone.
Gone before it ever had a chance to grow.
Ripped out by the roots and crushed by the weight of what I’ll never be.
It’s bad enough that I can’t give the woman I love what she wants most in this world. But the truth is brutal in its finality:
I’ll never be a dad.
Not ever.
And it hurts.
Hurts in a way I never knew was possible… and I don’t know how to come back from it.
Taylor
I can feel every reinstated brick in his wall as we head outside, the ice on the ground nothing compared to the chill building between us.
Without a word, he unlocks his SUV and expects me to follow.
Which I do.
Because what else can I do?
Shake him until he talks?
His hands clamp the steering wheel like he’s trying to strangle it, jaw clenched so tight his temples pulse, his beard masking the rest. Masking. Fuck.
There’s no mask now.
Just pain.
I watch him from the corner of my eye. He’s pale. So pale. Like Ms Ellingham’s verdict cut him open, and he hasn’t realised he’s bleeding yet.
I want to reach for him –God, I want to – but I don’t. Helooks too brittle to touch. Like one wrong move and I’ll shatter him completely. Or blow this whole thing wide open.
When he finally pulls up outside my building, he kills the engine but doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak. Doesn’t even blink.
I unclip my seatbelt, but he makes no move to do the same.
