‘Safe, sensible…’
‘Emotionally compartmentalised,’ I add.
He arches a brow. ‘Sounds like you.’
And then I do laugh, because it does. It soundsexactlylike me. Only… I hold his gaze, courage building with his reassuring calm.
‘But I don’t think I want it to be a stranger.’
A faint line appears between his brows, and I ignore the way my heart flutters up my throat.
‘I want it to be someone I know, someone I trust. I want it to feel more known, more real. I want…’
I want it to be you.
It’s there on the tip of my tongue. But how do you asksomeone that? Is there a right time for a request like this? Can thereeverbea right time?
‘You want…?’ he presses.
I take a shallow breath. ‘I want to know how you’d feel about it?’ Hurrying to add, ‘Hypothetically speaking?’
‘Me?’ He blinks. ‘It’s your body, your life. You do what you want.’
‘I meant…’ I lick my lips, and his eyes flick south‚ the swiftest move as he takes in my edgy state.Come on, Tay, get a grip, don’t be chicken. The worst he can do is say no, right?
‘If I were to ask you, would you maybe consider…?’
His head jerks up, every muscle pulling taut as I quit speaking, possibly breathing, too.
‘Are you asking me to be the father of your child?’
He stares at me like I’ve sprouted three heads.
‘Hypothetically speaking?’ I stress. ‘Yes.’
‘There’s nothing hypothetical about this, Tay. Either you’re asking, or you’re not.’
He’s got you there.
‘Then I’m definitely asking.’
He exhales, clearly incredulous. ‘Then I definitely think you’ve lost your mind.’
‘Why?’ And I’m straight on the defensive now. ‘Itrustyou. Iknowyou. You’re the perfect person to ask.’
‘Nothing about me is perfect.’
‘I disagree.’ And realising just how much I disagree, I race on with parameters because parameters keep things clean and contained and, above all, safe. ‘Knowing you and trusting you makes you perfect. And we’re talking no strings. No co-parenting. Just… your DNA.’
‘That’s not nothing.’ It comes out rough, almost broken – too broken for him.
Shit.
‘I know it’s not,’ I say softly. Not when he’s a man who, like me, swore he’d never marry, never love, never have a child. ‘But I don’t want or expect anything more from you. You’d be the man who made it possible, and I would be forever grateful. But as far as the future goes, I know you don’t want that, and neither do I. Iwantto do this alone. I just need… I just need the means to get there.’
‘You mean my sperm. Let’s just say it how it is, Stone.’
I wet my lips again as the flicker of something comes alive down low. Something that says more about having that part of him inside me than it does my nerves in asking.
