And the dream, it always ended with me screaming myself awake. Terrified of him. Danny.
But not this time.
This time, Axel came to my rescue, and that scream, it wasn’t about Danny at all.
It was about Axel…
I’m terrified of losing Axel.
And I know how we left things, I know how I reacted, but I was in shock. A man was dead.Dead. And that’s wrong on so many levels, but as I sit here now, the truth is painfully, sickeningly, undeniably clear.
Danny’s dead and I’m glad.
Glad he can’t hurt me, Sadie, Lottie, anyone else ever again.
Which means I’m not angry that Axel did it.
I’m not scared of what he’s capable of.
I’m angry he didn’t tell me.
Angry that he shut me out.
And I’m scared by how deeply that hurts.
Because Ax has always been the fixer. We ask no questions. He tells no lies.
But this… I drilled him. Tormented him. And he fled.
Now I’m terrified I’ve ruined everything we’ve built over the past two months: the intimacy, the ease, the way he fills my life without even trying. How happyI’ve felt. How content he’s seemed.
The ache for a baby is still there, but it’s softer, dulled by my ache for him.
And I know that somewhere along the way, those lines wedrew, the boundaries we set, the contract… none of it could protect me from this.
Because the ultimate truth is, I’m falling in love with him.
Me – anti-love, anti-relationship – falling for my best friend.
And maybe deep down, I always knew this was happening – pushing for a contract because I thought it could somehow save me from it. But no clause, no promise, no signature on a dotted line can shield me from what’s already taking root in my heart.
I suck in another breath and let it out slow.
Everything’s changed.
I’vechanged.
And I’ve no idea what to do with that.
I just know I can’t bear how we left things tonight.
Can’t bear the thought of him thinking I believe the worst.
I’m already throwing back the covers and flicking on my bedside lamp. It’s 2a.m. Too late for sanity. Too early for sense.
But I don’t care.
Some things can’t wait for day to break…
