I warned her. Itoldher. And she chose me anyway. And now look at us; look at me.
And the images won’t quit coming: a bit of me and all of her mixed together. Hazel eyes, dark hair, a smile that warms you to your toes. Watching them grow. A permanent presence in our lives, no matter what shape our relationship took.
And suddenly, it’s a relationship?
Was. Not is.
And no, it was never that. No matter how good it felt, how right, it could never be that, and this proves it.
And fuck, I’m losing it. Arguing with myself. Going round in circles.
I throw back the drink, pour another, willing it to quit. The pain, the ache, the noise.
‘The world’s a better place without him in it, Ax,’ Theo says quietly. ‘You know that, right?’
I huff into the glass and take another mouthful, needing the burn, the numbness, anything that ain’t this…
But it only gets worse.
I stride up to the panoramic glass, glare down at the snaking Thames below and feel that chilling slither deep inside me.
‘You’re not, though,’ he adds quietly. ‘In a better place, I mean… You look broken.’
Broken?
I’ve always been broken.
Only… I haven’tfeltas broken these past two months.
I’ve felt whole… content… and now… nothing.
‘If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you had regrets.’
I choke on a bitter laugh. I’ve enough regrets to fill lifetimes.
And Taylor’s in pole position.
But is Danny one of them? A lesson gone too far? A man dead, instead of punished?
‘You didn’t do this to him,’ Theo says. ‘He did it to himself.’
I shake my head, even though he’s saying exactly what I told Taylor.
‘The governor said?—’
‘I know what the governor said,’ I cut in. ‘He got in a fight, he fell, he hit his head. End of.’
But it ain’t the end.
Because the start was me. Months ago. Long before the wedding. Long before me and Tay. When it was just a word in the right ear, leading to the right provocation, and the right officers on duty.
‘Exactly,’ he affirms.
‘Andifthat fight was provoked by my guy on the inside,’ I say, turning to face him. ‘And my officers looked the other way. The governor, too?’
He doesn’t even blink. ‘From what I heard, Danny wasn’t some helpless victim. He gave as good as he got. You just handed him the rope; he did the rest.’
I hate how much I want to sink into Theo’s words… and how I won’t let myself.
