My eyes dart to the bedroom door.
She’s standing there wrapped in Tay’s robe, hair dripping, towel clutched to her chest. Her eyes flick between us, and I’ve no idea how much she heard, but she’s seeing plenty. Fuck. We break apart and I step forward, hand running through my hair like it wasn’t just locked in her sister’s grip.
‘Hey, Theo told me the news… I thought I’d stop by, check you’re okay.’
‘Oh…’ She gives me a small, shaky smile. ‘That’s sweet. Yeah, I couldn’t talk with Lottie there. He offered to watch her so I could come see Tay… Sometimes, all you need is your big sis, right?’
Her smile trembles like she’s about to break again.
‘Which means I’m in the way, right? I’ll get off and?—’
‘Of course you’re not.’
She moves fast and hauls me into a hug that knocks the air out of my lungs. I don’t think I’ve been touched this much in my life. Not with this kind of affection. First Tay. Then Lottie. Then Sadie. Not even on her wedding day did she hold me this tight.
When it’s clear she ain’t letting go, I set my arms around her, skin stretched thin. Because hot off the back of what just went down – whatisgoing down – between me and Taylor, affection is the last thing I deserve.
‘It’s thanks to you he got put away in the first place,’ shemumbles into my chest. ‘You’re never in the way. You’re like the big brother we never had, isn’t he, Tay? You’re family, Ax.’
Family. That thing I never had. The thing that Tay and Theo gave me. The thing that someone sweet like Sadie is now giving me. It’s suffocating me from the inside.
I look over her shoulder at Taylor.
She’s stock-still, arms folded, jaw set, eyes too bright and fixed on her sister.
What is she thinking?
I want to know.
I don’t want to know.
I want…
Fuck, who knows what I want, other than to get the hell out of here.
‘That’s good,’ I say, prising Sadie off me and she blushes as she spies the damp patch on my tee.
‘God, I’m sorry.’ It comes out all shaky as she stares at it in horror. ‘I’ve soaked you.’
‘It’s fine, I can take a bit of water,’ I assure her, gruff as fuck, giving her arm a pathetic squeeze. ‘And if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll get off and leave you both to it, yeah?’
She nods. ‘I’m okay. Honestly. I mean, why wouldn’t I be?’ She gives a choked laugh. ‘It’s not like I’m going to miss him. He wasn’t a good guy. He wasn’t even nice. He was cruel. And mean. He hated Lottie. He hurt me.’ Her hands start flapping, words tumbling out faster than her breath can keep up and I know it’s the shock, the adrenaline taking over. ‘But now he’s gone. Like dead. Proper dead. Poof! Gone!’
She grips her throat, voice cracking as she loses all colour from her cheeks, and Taylor steps in, wrapping an arm around her.
‘Let’s get the kettle on,’ she murmurs, guiding Sadie towards the kitchen. ‘A sweet cuppa will work wonders.’
Sadie nods, leaning into her, and Tay glances back at me:I’ve got her, but we’re not done.
Only we are. I can feel it in my bones. Because if anything was gonna wake her up to the lies she’s been feeding herself about me, it was this.
And now she sees me – really sees me – for what I am.
Damaged goods. A mistake.
Just like the old man always said…
17
