“Apparently, your friend was telling people he flung you from the estate and chased you with dogs.” Catherine’s lip curled, but she could not quite summon the energy to be disdainful of the woman, not when everything felt so distant from her.
“I did not think you would have heard that particular rumor.” Lady Danford winced and fanned herself.
“I would not have, had it not been for my friends,” Catherine explained. “I thought you were the one who had started it, but they disabused me of the notion.”
“I have told her to recant the story; in fact, we had rather a large falling out about the whole thing. It has made the bridge club rather more complicated, but… I just could not stand the way she was talking about you and your husband. And she really is the most frightful gossip. The more salacious the better, even when there is little to no truth in the matter.” Her mother sniffed and shook her head. “Though I suppose I should be thankful to her. After all, that little altercation made me realize just how right the Duke had been and how much of a fool I was.”
The pieces of Catherine’s heart shattered even more. ‘If you truly knew your daughter, if you really saw her, you would not treat her the way you do.’ She tugged at the sleeve of the dress. He had said those things about her, but once his mind was no longer addled, once he regained his memories…
Her mother’s voice pulled her back to the present. “I wish it had not taken so much for me to see the truth of things, but I suppose that is often the way with life. Sometimes one has one’s nose too close to a situation to see the whole picture.”
Catherine nodded. “It is hard to see the forest for the trees when you are in the thick of it.”
Her mother cleared her throat and twisted her hands in her lap. “I am not trying to make excuses for my behavior. I see now how wrong it was for me to behave as I did. Oh, I told myself it wasall for you. That it would make you strong, make you the lady I thought you ought to be.”
A maid entered carrying a tray of tea and biscuits, but Catherine’s mother kept talking. “I told myself that I was doing this all for you, that all I wanted was for you to be happy, and that I knew best. I was wrong, Catherine. I should never have arranged that scandal, never have forced your hand, and I should have trusted you to find the perfect man for yourself. I should have complimented you more, should have lifted you up instead of tearing you down.”
“You made me feel like I was worthless. That I was broken and that no one would ever want me. And I suppose you were right, because he does not. And it is my fault that he does not. And perhaps if?—”
“This is not your fault.” Catherine’s mother interrupted, her eyes blazing in the afternoon sun. “Do you hear me, Catherine? You are not to blame.”
“You do not know what happened. What I did. What I…” Catherine could not force the words from her throat. “He does not want me, Mother. He does not love me.”
“Then he is a fool.” There was venom in her mother’s voice. “And I am even more sorry than I was. If anyone is to blame, it is me. I am the one who forced you together. I am the one who did not care about your wishes; only that you had land, title, and power. If I had not been so blinded by it, I would have protected you instead of driving you away.”
“You were doing what you thought was right, I suppose.” Catherine sniffed, and her mother handed her a handkerchief.
“No, Catherine, I was forcing you to live out my idea of happiness. And I should never have done it.” Catherine felt her mother squeeze her tight, a comforting presence, and in that moment, something settled within her. She leaned against her, closed her eyes, and let her mother comfort her. “I am sorry, my darling, I am sorry that I was too blind to see; I am sorry for everything. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness, and pray that you might find it in your heart to allow me to be the mother I should have been.”
Catherine pulled away from Lady Danford and realized that they were both crying. Her mother reached toward her, gently wiping the tears from Catherine’s face. “You deserve better than this.”
“I am not sure that I do,” Catherine sighed.
“I am.” Her mother bit her lip. “You deserve happiness, my darling. You deserve love and everything that makes life worth living. And that is what I wish for you above all else. Truly, I want you to be happy.”
I wanted that too.Catherine closed her eyes. How often had she wished her mother would say that to her? How often had she ached to be held, to be comforted like this?
She leaned against her, inhaling her mother’s familiar perfume and allowing her to rub comforting circles across her back.She saw Alaric’s face, heard his laughter in her mind, and remembered the feel of his arms around her.
Catherine’s eyes flew open, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I wanted him to ask me to stay.”
“Of course you did.” Her mother squeezed her hand. “And I wish he had. And he may yet realize his mistake. And if he does not, well… That says far more about his character than your worth, my dear. You do not need such a fickle man in your life.”
“If that is true, why does it hurt so much?” Catherine swallowed.
“Because hearts care not for reason. But I promise that in time, this will get easier. The pain will fade, and you will heal.” Her mother poured them each a cup of tea and pressed the cup into her hands. “And as I said, the Duke may yet come to his senses, though if he does, he will get the sharp end of my tongue for the pain he has caused you.”
Catherine laughed. “I suspect you will not be the only one to do so. I spent half an hour convincing Fiona not to send her brothers to give him a good thumping.”
Her mother laughed too, a genuine sound that made Catherine’s smile broaden. “I am glad you have such wonderful friends.”
“As am I.” Catherine ran a hand through her hair. “Though I do not wish him ill, even though this hurts. He did not mean to break my heart. I do not think he even knew it was his to break.”
“Men seldom do,” her mother sighed. “But that is why it is important to have the right kind of people around you. People who love and care for you. I hope… I hope you will let me be one of them.”
Catherine nodded. “I would like that.”
Though her heart still ached, the heaviness weighing on her felt a little lighter. She had her friends, her mother had apologized, and soon enough, she would start to rebuild her life.
