“I think it is time we find Oliver a governess.” The words slipped out before she could stop them.
She saw Alaric freeze, his arm outstretched. The stick remained clenched in his hand, and the puppy was pawing and yipping impatiently.
“You asked me to think on it, and I have.” Catherine took another step back. “I can have Mrs. Danvers place an advertisement in the local paper and reach out to her own contacts. With any luck, we can interview candidates within the week.”
“And is there a particular reason for the rush?” Alaric flung the stick for the puppy, but did not take his eyes from Catherine’s face.
The warmth had disappeared. Catherine noticed a coldness taking hold of Alaric, and she concentrated on it, using it to strengthen her own resolve.
“Why wait? The sooner we can get someone in post, the better. Oliver will have someone who can focus on his needs, who can teach him to read and write, and ensure he is safe. Someone he trusts, and who can tend to him once I leave.” Catherine saw Alaric’s mouth thin.
“You agreed that you would not depart until we knew the truth of his parentage.” Alaric took a step toward her, his eyes darkening.
She forced herself not to step back. “I know what I agreed to, but the longer I am here, the harder it will be for Oliver when I leave.”
The harder it will be for me to leave.She had to harden her heart. Alaric’s eyes were so dark that they reminded her of the heart of an ancient forest. It took all of her control not to step away from him.
“I do not want him to get too attached.” Catherine forced the words out of her throat, even as she felt them stab into her own heart. “I am not his mother. And as you have pointed out, I have been too maternal with the boy.”
“That is not what I said,” Alaric growled.
“I know, and I care for him and want him to be safe and loved. But I will not bear the responsibility of his welfare, not when he has a father who should be doing that.” Catherine stepped backward. “I am glad that you have taken an interest in him, that he feels safe with you. Once he has a governess and he is settled with her, I will give you a week to find out the truth of his parentage. But I... I cannot stay here indefinitely.”
She watched Alaric’s jaw work furiously, but when he spoke, his voice remained calm. “That was not our agreement.”
“We have to set a time limit, Alaric. It will take Oliver at least a month to settle, if not more. It has already been some weeks.” Catherine bit her lip. “If we have not found any new evidence in that time, you must accept that there is nothing to be found.”
Alaric straightened and closed the distance between them, but Catherine did not back away. Instead, she extended her hand, hovering it an inch from his chest. He paused.
“You cannot truly believe that.”
“You asked me to be your touchstone, to tell you the truth when no one else would.” Catherine’s heart was pounding against her chest. “If we cannot find anything after months of searching, there is nothing to be found. Do not force me to stay because you cannot accept the truth.”
Alaric’s eyes widened, and he stepped away. Catherine could see the tension in his jaw, and when he spoke, his words were clipped.
“I will not force you to do anything, Catherine. I ask only that you do the same for me.”
Catherine bit her lip. One of them would have to give in, and they both knew it. Catherine looked into his eyes, clenching her fists.
It will not be me.
CHAPTER 14
The sound of cutlery clinking against china pierced the heavy silence between Alaric and Catherine. He flexed his fingers, readjusting his grip on the knife as he thought about their exchange.
“Yes, Oliver, you may be excused.” Catherine’s voice drew Alaric’s attention back to her.
Oliver nodded wisely, cradling the sleeping puppy in his arms. He had named her Daisy after the flowers on the lawn , just before Alaric told him to go inside and get ready for dinner.
As Oliver left the table, he beamed at Alaric. Alaric could not help but offer him a small smile in return. “There is a pen made up for Daisy in the nursery, and one of the grooms has agreed to keep her company overnight.”
Oliver hesitated, his eyes darting from Catherine to Alaric and then to the sleeping puppy in his arms.
“There is a bed there for you if you wish to stay with her.” Alaric saw the tension drain from Oliver’s frame. “But I warn you, she will wake you up asking to go outside. The footman will take her, and if you wake, you may accompany him.”
“I will have Annabelle leave your coat in the room. It will be cold,” Catherine added.
Oliver grinned at both of them and left, the sleeping Daisy in his arms. Alaric watched him go, but the joy he had felt in the gardens felt like a distant memory.
