She hadn’t thought about it that way until it had come out of her mouth, and it made going back to London seem like the cowardly option.
‘You kissed her?!’ Tess exclaimed.
‘Well, that’s a slight exaggeration,’ Alice said.
She thought back to Briar’s breath on her cheeks, her hazel eyes flashing. The first time they had kissed, Alice hadn’t been able to look at Briar without her whole life realigning before her eyes. Briar had made her thoughts too dangerous, and that was what Alice had been running from the whole time. Looking at Briar had made anything seem possible, when Alice knew it wasn’t. She was worried the same thing was happening again now.
‘How slight?’ Tess asked.
Their lips had touched, hadn’t they? She could remember the feeling of it, just barely, but maybe that was her overactive imagination after years of picturing their lips touching again. In her mind, she and Briar had already kissed a thousand times.
‘It was over before it started,’ she said. ‘Noah interrupted us.’
‘Noah was there?!’ Tess nearly screeched. ‘The most interesting thing to happen to either of us in years and you didn’t call me immediately? Tell me everything, now, and maybe I’ll find it in my heart to forgive you.’
‘It wasn’t like that. He didn’t know anything happened, he just knocked on the door and we were, um, startled.’ An alarming thought occurred to Alice. ‘Unless Briar’s told him already, which I guess she probably has— Shit. There goes Noah not completely hating me.’
‘Alice, focus,’ Tess chided. ‘We don’t have time for boys right now. You just kissed the girl you’ve been in love with for ten years. Have you talked to Briar about what this means?’
‘I’m not in love with her,’ Alice said, burying her face in her hands. ‘I know you’re still stuck on that, but can we please move on? I was infatuated with her once. I’m not anymore. And am I really supposed to talk to her about what it means that I’ve kissed her twice now when she wasn’t asking for or expecting it? Sounds like an exercise in humiliation.’
‘After all that, you think the best option is to leave?’ Tess asked, incredulous. ‘Is it really about the kiss, or is it something else?’
‘Of course it’s not just the kiss. It’s the way she looks at me like she hates me, or worse, doesn’t know who I am. I thought I’d feel less alone in losing Susan if I was with her, but I feel more alone than ever. And I’m worried she feels the same.’
‘I’ll never forgive you if you leave without talking to her,’ Tess said, and Alice snorted. ‘I’m not having a laugh, I’m serious. No one to tell you to get your shit together like your best mate. And you need to get your shit together in a big way. I’m not going to let you do what you did last time and take another ten years to recover from it. If you’re going to leave, you at least need to tell Briar to her face what you’re doing and why.’
‘That sounds horrible,’ Alice mumbled.
‘Sometimes the right thingishorrible,’ Tess said cheerily. ‘It’s called being an adult.’
She groaned. ‘Why are you always right?’
‘So,’ Tess continued, not letting her off easily, ‘when are you going to talk to her, then?’
‘Her party’s in an hour, so I guess I’ll call her tomorrow morning before she drives back to camp.’
‘How do you know when the party starts?’ Tess asked, suspicious.
‘Noah invited me’ – she sucked in a breath before Tess could interrupt – ‘notbecause anyone actually wants me there, but because he’s physically incapable of not being a ray of fucking sunshine.’
Tess gasped, much to Alice’s chagrin. ‘Oh, you’vegotto go to the party.’
‘I’m not going—’
‘You willnotdeny me this drama. You’re going to the party and you’re going to drink some beer and make merry or whatever it is you Yanks do, and then you’re going to grow up and have an honest conversation with Briar, because she deserves that.’
‘Well, the last part, sure…’ Alice said dubiously.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, do you have other plans? To putter around the house and feel sorry for yourself?’
Alice thought of another night with nothing to do in her silent, uncreaky house with her silent, uncaring mother and shivered in the nearly hundred-degree humidity.
‘Okay, I’ll go.’
Chapter 14
Alice
