Declan ducked his head, pushing into Oliver’s side. Oliver picked up his hand and studied it intently, lacing their fingers together. ‘I suppose I’m a little more fluid than I originally thought,’ he said. ‘Bisexual, maybe.’ He said it like he was testingthe word out, squinting as he tilted his head back and forth. He waited for a beat before nodding. ‘Yeah, pretty sure that’s the one.’
Declan looked at their intertwined hands. Oliver made this all seem so easy, accepting his new sexuality with little more than a shrug and an air of certainty that terrified Declan. He turned away, glancing back towards the shade of the trees, unsure of what to say.
‘If you knew you were gay, why come on the show?’ Oliver asked after a moment. ‘Why put yourself through this? Surely not just for followers?’
Declan shrugged. ‘It was my best mate’s idea, actually. We auditioned together, but she pulled out.’
‘But you agreed to do it without her?’ Oliver pressed.
‘I’m doing itforher.’ Declan sighed, dropping Oliver’s hand to rub the back of his head, thinking of how to describe Georgia and everything they were to each other. ‘She’s the only person outside of my family that knows about me. We’d be photographed together to keep the tabloids off my back about my dating life, but it made things more complicated for hers.’ Implied in Georgia’s pitch for them to go on the show was something deeper – she couldn’t play that role in his life any more, and he needed to find someone who could.
‘She was your beard,’ Oliver said simply.
Declan frowned at the term. ‘We never confirmed anything, always kept things circumstantial. I didn’t want to lie.’
‘But you didn’t want to tell the truth either.’ Oliver said the words without malice, but Declan flushed with shame all the same.
‘No, I didn’t,’ Declan admitted. ‘But Georgia getting involved was a mistake.’
Oliver blinked. ‘Georgia is James’s ex?’ Declan gave him what must have been a thoroughly confused look, and Oliver clarified, ‘James told us that you stole his girlfriend.’
Declan gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘Always playing the victim. He never believed that there was nothing going on between us, so he treated her like shit. And he came on the show to humiliate me, since it wasn’t enough to make her miserable.’
‘And then you punched him,’ Oliver said flatly.
Declan squeezed his eyes shut. ‘I’m not proud of that – I shouldn’t have taken the bait. Now the whole country thinks I’m a possessive lunatic.’
‘One punch won’t change everyone’s opinion of you,’ Oliver said gently, laying a hand on his back, rubbing small circles into his shoulder. ‘So, Georgia never told James about you?’
Declan shook his head. ‘That’s us, loyal to a tee,’ he said, the words coming out bitter.
Oliver’s eyebrows drew together. ‘And why didn’tyoutell him?’
Declan frowned. ‘Because he’d out me in a second.’
‘Right,’ Oliver said slowly, ‘I guess my question was more… Why not just come out?’
Declan didn’t know how to explain that his life wasn’t his own, especially to Oliver, who had taken control of his life so easily. ‘Haven’t you wanted something that’s just yours?’
‘Even if it means being alone?’ Oliver said. ‘That is why, right? It’s not because you’re too busy.’
‘People would want things from me that I don’t think I can give,’ Declan said, knowing it wasn’t the whole truth. ‘Being a gay boxer, being the face of it, that’s not easy. And I’m not the right person for it.’
Coming out would mean giving up the public image he’d spent his career building, and he didn’t know who he’d be without it. Disappointing the fans was one thing, but they weren’t the onlyones liable to be disappointed if Declan allowed himself to justbe.
Oliver considered him intently. ‘I’d never thought of it like that,’ he said.
‘No kidding,’ Declan said wryly. ‘I’m sure ballet is more accepting.’
‘Practically all my friends from school are gay,’ Oliver admitted. ‘Sophie and I were the odd ones out.’
Declan asked the question he’d been holding back for weeks. Now felt like his only opportunity to learn everything he could about Oliver, away from the cameras. ‘What happened between you two?’
‘I dunno… eight years is such a long time. It was easy, until it wasn’t.’ Oliver frowned, studying a knot on the closest tree. ‘Somewhere along the way, our lives got all twisted up; we had the same schedule, same mates, same everything. I think she didn’t feel like she was her own person any more, and she didn’t know how to tell me, or didn’t think I would listen.’
‘You would’ve listened,’ Declan said confidently.
‘I would like to think so,’ Oliver said, meeting his gaze. ‘But I never saw her as someone with problems. When I met her, I had nothing, and she had everything – money, friends, talent, support from her family. And I put her on a pedestal, and she couldn’t stand it any more. I don’t know, does that make any sense?’
