‘Like when you give presentations at work, treat it like that. Talk to Jack like you would to them, and pretend he’s asleep.’
Maeve looked caught between anxiety and amusement. ‘Don’t you think that’smorelikely to make him think I’m a nutter who has nothing in common with him?’
He considered it for a moment. ‘Better an honest nutter than the alternative.’
‘Thanks for the pep talk,’ she said drily. ‘I’m not sure it was altogether helpful, but it’s certainly given me something to think about.’
‘That’s what I’m here for. Now, go and get him.’ He made a shooing motion and she stood, walking over to Jack. Oliver watched her go for a moment, the cameraman following, before lying back.
‘All right?’ Declan asked, his shadow casting over Oliver.
‘Yeah, fine,’ Oliver replied blandly, glad for the distraction. ‘Do you want to watch Maeve try to tell Jack that she fancies him? Could be entertaining.’
‘’Course,’ Declan said, sitting beside him.
They watched as the cameraman trained his lens on the nook where Maeve and Jack had disappeared. Looking across the garden at the different couples, Oliver felt untethered. The show had been supposed to be a way for him to get back on track with Sophie, but instead it was confusing him, taking the things he had thought he’d wanted and muddling them.
He wanted to curl into a ball, but settled for turning to Declan. Looking into his eyes, Oliver felt more grounded.
‘You’ll find someone else,’ Declan said lightly.
‘It’s not that,’ he said, struggling with how to explain. ‘I think I’m starting to recognise why I’ve been so unhappy the past few months. From here, it’s easy to see that I’ve made a mess of things.’
Declan said nothing, but there was a slight tic in his jaw.
‘Everything I built in London was for a life with someone who no longer wants to be in it, and instead of making it mine, I’ve been chasing down the next thing.’
Oddly, saying it didn’t hurt; it felt matter-of-fact. He understood now what Sophie had said to him the night she’d left. He could conceptualise loving someone and still feeling suffocated by them. Maybe he too had felt suffocated, but more slowly, the weight in his chest not registering as anything abnormal until he felt its absence.
He continued: ‘I didn’t know how to handle a break-up. Pathetic, huh, to finally be figuring this angsty teenage shit out at my age?’
The back of Declan’s head was framed by a halo of sunlight. ‘If that’s pathetic,’ he said finally, his expression pensive, ‘I’m pathetic too. I’ve never been through a break-up.’ He paused. ‘I’ve never even been in love before.’
‘Can’t commit to one woman?’ Oliver teased.
Declan studied Oliver’s hands. ‘It’s not as though I have tons of free time for dating, what with training and press and all.’
It was Declan’s usual excuse. Oliver couldn’t help but add wryly, ‘And dating in the public eye certainly isn’t easy.’
Declan nodded, thoughtful. ‘People think they’re entitled to know everything about me – that they get to judge me and tell me who I am.’ He frowned. ‘Though I’m grateful for all of theopportunities boxing has given me.’ The line had a rehearsed quality.
Oliver wanted to ask more, but he didn’t know how to get Declan to answer as himself rather than as a character constructed for the audience. Sometimes he worried he couldn’t even tell the difference.
‘But, you know, it’s lonely,’ Declan said, softer and with a look Oliver recognised intimately.
‘Yeah,’ Oliver said quietly. ‘I get that.’
‘You had someone constantly around for eight years,’ Declan said, with a rueful smile. ‘It’s not exactly the same.’
Oliver pushed his hair back, sighing. ‘When I was a kid, I was always alone. I felt like I would never escape it.’
Declan looked at him, his expression soft.
‘But when I started dancing, I saw a way out. I made a plan.’
Declan seemed lost in his own world, his brow furrowed. ‘Oh,’ was all he said.
‘It worked,’ Oliver said. ‘I know it’s supposed to be stupid to run away from your problems, but it worked for me. I haven’t been lonely since.’ He remembered the weeks of confining himself to his apartment, of shutting everyone out. ‘Except, I guess, recently.’
