Then I take a breath.
"Eli." I wait until he's looking at me properly. "I forgive you."
He closes his eyes.
"You shouldn't," he says.
"Probably not. But I do anyway." I let that sink in. "It doesn't mean it was okay. It means I'm choosing to put it down. Ineedto put it down." I pause. "I hope you'll be able to do the same thing eventually. When you're ready, I hope you'll forgive yourself too."
He nods. His face has cleared now, underneath the sadness. Like a window that's been wiped clean but the view through it is still difficult.
There's movement from the window.
Drake gets up from his chair slowly, still healing but steadier than he was. He crosses the room and stands in front of Eli.
They look at each other.
"You stayed," Drake says. "After I left. You stayed and helped from the inside."
"Wasn't enough," Eli says.
"It was something." Drake's voice catches. "It mattered. He didn't find her." He pauses. "I'm sorry I left you in there alone."
"You did what you had to."
"So did you."
They look at each other, years of brotherhood and a broken pack and everything that lives in the space between who they were and who they're becoming.
I stand up.
"I'm sorry," I say to both of them. "That you lost your pack because of all of this."
Drake shakes his head immediately. "Not because of you."
"Not because of you," Eli echoes. "Because of our choices. Our failures. You were never the problem, Vee. You were never anything but exactly what you were supposed to be."
I breathe through that.
"I forgive you both," I say. "And I do hope that you both find your way to happy again someday." I look at them. "Just not with me. I can't give you that. I get to choose this time and I don't choose you. But you deserve something real when you're both ready for it."
Drake nods. His face is raw and resigned and peaceful all at once.
"That pack in there," he says. Tilting his head toward the rest of the house. "They deserve you. All of them." His voice break. "I hope you get to stay."
I don't trust my voice to answer that.
He steps forward and puts his arms around me and I let him, and it's a goodbye hug, the kind that knows what it is, and when he pulls back his eyes are wet.
Eli steps forward next and he holds on for a second longer. His hand on the back of my head, like he used to when I was sad and he wanted me to feel held. The old gesture, given one last time.
"Be happy, Vee," he says against my hair.
He lets me go.
Eli reaches out and put a hand on Drake's arm.
"Let's go home, brother," he says.
