The alpha on the porch is still watching me. His jaw is set. Every muscle in his body is doing something. But he stays where he is.
I breathe.
Then try to walk toward Vee.
My legs don't cooperate. I make it three steps before my knees give out completely.
I hit the mud hard.
Pain shoots through my kneecaps but I barely feel it. Everything is pain. What's a little more?
Rain pours down. All of us are soaked now.
"Drake, are you okay?" Vee's voice. Closer now.
Malcolm moves with her. His hand tightens on her shoulder, ready to pull her back.
From me.
From the thing she needs protecting from.
I'm on my knees in the rain and mud, looking up at my girl.
And the words start pouring out.
"I'm sorry." My voice breaks on the first syllable. "Vee, I'm so sorry."
She stares at me, rain running down her face. She doesn't say anything.
"I let Marie's scent warp my brain into something I didn't recognize." The words tumble over each other. Desperate. "I let it turn me into someone who could leave you alone when you needed me most."
I choke on the words. Sob through them.
My whole body is shaking. Fever. Chills. Sickness. Grief.
"I stood down when he told me no. I followed his lead even when I knew it was wrong."
Rain mixes with tears I can't stop.
"You deserved to be chosen." My throat closes. "To be protected. To be loved like you needed to be loved. And I failed you."
I'm sobbing now. Full body sobs that shake my already wrecked frame.
I don't care that I'm doing this in front of other alphas.
This is how I feel and I'm too raw to hide it.
On the porch, I hear something. A sound from the big alpha. Not the growl this time. Something lower. Something that sounds less like a threat and more like an animal in pain. Like something that wants very badly to move and is not moving.
I don't look at him.
I keep my eyes on Vee.
"I know you can't forgive me. But I needed you to know that I see it. All of it."
My hands sink into the mud.
"And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Vee."
