“So you’re…”Don’t touch your cock. Don’t touch your cock. Do not touch your cock!“You’re partially worried I don’t like you, but also worried about offending me?”
“But I also remember that first night at the gym with you… your…” She drops her eyes to my crotch. “And then Eliza said?—”
“Please don’t say her name right now.” I close my eyes, like it’ll save me from seeing the woman right in front of me. But she’s invaded all my thoughts. All my memories. My wants. My needs. She’s all I see, even on the backs of my eyelids, and, fuck, she’s all I think about. Ever. “You had a dirty dream about me?”
“Yes.” I peel my eyes open in time to catch her nod. Her bright red cheeks. “Yes, I did.”
“Annnnnnd… you didn’t want to tell me?”
“I didn’t want to make things complicated and weird and awkward. And mostly, I didn’t want to find out if telling you would make you scramble away shoutingno, no, ew, no.”
“No, no, ew, no?” Chuckling, I take a step forward, and when her hair dangles across her cheek, I tuck it back with a slide of my finger. “I would never. You are the single most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life, Rose. You’re smart and funny. You’re kind and silly, and you’ve retained a ridiculous amount of information for a woman suffering retrograde memory loss. You’re sweet, but you carry just enough of an attitude to assure me you’re no pushover. You’re brave?—”
She scoffs. “Hardly. I cry almost every single day.”
I glance down at her supple, shimmering bottom lip. I want to taste it so fucking badly. But I’llnevertake what isn’t given willingly. “Bravery isn’t an absence of fear, Rose. It’s putting one foot in front of the other even when the destination terrifies you. It’s waking up each day and facing your monsters head-on.”
She drops her gaze, wilting under the pressure of her own impossible expectations. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“Nightmares plague your sleep every damn night! They reduce you to a shivering, crying mess, and your brain injury has left you wearing a blindfold. If we take your dreams at face value, then it sounds like you have enemies. Dangerous, scary enemies. But you have no clue who they are or what they look like. Andstill, you wake up every morning and get on with things, and when Billy calls, youmarch your ass into the police station with your head held high, ready and willing to look these pricks in the eye.” I cup her cheeks and force her head back. I force her toseeme. “I have never met a braver person in my life. So if you’re askin’, then yeah, I fucking like you. If it isn’t offensive for me to say so, then you should know I dream about you, too. I stare at you and think about all the ways I can touch. I watch you walk away, and pray you don’t catch me looking. And every minute of every day, I swallow the shame, because you’re here toheal. Not to be the star in my filthy dreams.”
She releases a heady, breathy exhale, her lips curling into a goofy, pleased grin.
“I lay in my bed each night, listening to you breathe. Which sounds really fuckin’ creepy.”
She chokes out a laugh.
“And every time you wake from a nightmare, sniffling and hiding your tears from me, I consider carrying you to my bed just so I can hold you.”
“Really?”
“Really. Bringing you to my house is what started your nightmares, so bringing you to my bed might make things much, much worse. But it breaks my heart to hear you cry. To think of you lying there all alone, too sad and scared and shy to share the burden.” I stroke the sides of her neck and feel the thunder of her pulse beneath my palms. “I lost a little of my soul to you that first night you landed in my ER.” I gesture around my living room. “I don’t bring other patients to my home. I don’t share my space with anybody. But the thought of sending you away made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t do it. I’ve argued with my friends over this, swearing up and down that I’m not emotionally invested. But I am, Rose. I have been from the start.” I pull her closer and search her eyes. “You looked at me that first night, and I haven’t been the same since. But for some insane reason, you have the nerve to stand here and assume my response to your wet dream isno, no, ew, no?”
“Well…” She warms under my touch, blushing and dropping her gaze. “I’m a bit of a medical freak right now, and this…” She hesitates, wrinkling her nose. “Me and you—doctor and patient—probably violates a law or two. You’ve been too perfect,” she sighs. “Too patient. Too kind. Even the most confident woman would hesitate to tell you about such dreams when you’ve been nothing but the perfect gentleman.”
“You’d prefer I vocalize all the things I’ve thought about you these past few weeks?” I pull her in and luxuriate in the feel of her belly pressed to mine. Her heart, pounding feverishly against my chest. “A dude leers and catcalls, and he’s called a pig. A doctor hits on his vulnerable patient, and he’s a bastard. But I keep my hands and thoughts to myself, and I’mstilldoing this all wrong?”
“It’s a tough gig, I suppose.” She pushes to her toes and stares down at my lips. “I don’t know what came before all this. I don’t know what kind of person I was or if I was in a relationship with Liam. Or with anyone, really. I don’t know if I was a good person or a bad person. Don’t know if I have a string of bad deeds dangling in my past, just waiting to come back and kick me in the ass. I have no clue if I was a virgin. Or promiscuous. Or something in between. Or if I’m worthy of the goodness you’ve given me. I’m scared I’ll never remember all the things I’ve lost. And sometimes, I’m scared I will. Because I don’t want to stop beingthisversion of me, the one in Plainview, the one who has a crush on a perfect man who brought meinto his home, who plays with my hair when I’m anxious, and hugs me whenever I want. The one who visits me in my dreams now, smiling and touching. Charming and perfect. I woke up this morning,” she moans. “Hurting. Just like I do every day. But this time was different. This time, instead of crying from fear, I ached with need. And so…” She swallows and meets my eyes. “I touched myself and I thought of you.”
Fuckkkkkk.“Rose…”
“You’ve built this wall of professionalism and emotional detachment between us, just as real and impenetrable as the wall separating our rooms, and I know you hold yourself to a standard where a doctor and his patient can’t be together. But I only knowthisversion of me. I only know who I am right here, right now. And this version of me is whole and unharmed and completely capable of making the kinds of choices a grown woman can make.”
“Rose—”
“I can’t stop thinking about that dream last night.” She brings her arms up and drapes them over my shoulders. “I tried. I really, really did. I told myself it was dumb. And then I vowed I wouldn’t tell you, because if you didn’t feel the same way, I might actually die of humiliation. But here you are.” She licks her lips and glances down at my chest, swelling with adrenaline. “You want me, too. I know you do. So if you’re waiting for me to get better, or if you’re waiting for consent?—”
My phone trills somewhere amongst the couch cushions, startling her words to a garbled stop and sending her entire body into a trembling mess. The device rings and vibrates against the frame, creating a deep, taunting buzz.
It’s the soundtrack to everything we’ve ever been.
“I guess you need to get that, huh?” She drops back to flat feet and allows her arms to dangle by her side. A fresh new blush fills her cheeks, destroying the confidence she glowed with a moment ago. “It’s okay.” Licking her lips, she gestures toward the couch. “Get it.”
“I’m on call.” My cock rages and my heart sputters. My entire fucking soul shivers. But I have to answer. Refusing could be the reason someone dies. So I release a pained, whistling breath and stalk back to the couch, and tossing cushions to the side, I uncover the device and spy my sister’s name on the screen.
The other sister.
Frowning, I consider sending her to voicemail and dealing with her tomorrow. But Raquel isn’t like Eliza. She’s not a pain in my ass the way Eliza is. So I swipe to answer, but I turn to an already retreating Rose and lift a single finger.Wait. I bring the phone to my ear. “Hey? You okay?”
