“It wasn’t that either?”
He lowers his head, dangling it between his shoulders and shaking it side to side. “Nope. On the night of their prom, they’d gone out, as eighteen-year-olds do. Too young to legally drink, but wily enough to get their hands on alcohol anyway. Tommy, being the protector and amazing guy he is, wasn’t drinking, though, ‘cos he wanted to make sure everyone else was safe. Alana especially. And I…” He sighs. “I was old enough to get blitzed and do stupid shit—which I did. Got myself arrested, and since my other friends were already drunk and stumbling toward bed, I called my sober friend for bail and a ride home.” Haunted, he brings his eyes up to mine. “I knew shit was rough for them growing up, and I knew Tommy and Chris’ dad was a piece of shit. Iknew,” he presses. “I was the reason he left her there that night, vulnerable to the man who had already made their lives hell.”
I gasp and press my hand to my mouth. Tears burn the backs of my eyes, while in my chest, my heart thrums wildly out of control. “His dad?”
“Raped her. He fucking brutalized her, impregnated her, andwalked away laughing. And because Alana knew Tommy would kill him, she didn’t say a single word about what happened to her. She just packed up her life and left after graduation.”
“That’s so awful.” My breath hitches and breaks. “She carried all that on her own?”
“Carried what Grady had done to her. Carried the pregnancy. Carried our hate.” His voice cracks and catches. “She came back to town, and I swear, none of us were very nice to her. Eliza was gonna pummel her, and Tommy was furious. Me, being the bastard I am, made sure to toss new women at him. I wanted to hurt her because she hurt us when she left. And all along, it was my fault.”
“Your fault?” I set my fork down and move to my feet. I step between his open legs and push his face back. “How could you possibly think this is your fault, when it was Tommy’s dad who?—”
“Iwas the reason he left her there that night. Hell, I was the one who supplied them with alcohol, since I was old enough and they weren’t. I was the reason all of this started. And when she came back, I made it worse, because I was mad at her for hurting us.”
“The man who did that to her, Tommy and Chris’ dad—” I slide my thumbs over his stubbled jaw and search his glittering, pained eyes. “It was his fault. Not yours.”
“If I had never called Tommy to come get me, none of this would have happened.”
“You don’t know that! Maybe Grady would’ve still gone looking for her. Maybe Tommy would’ve woken to find his dad…” I choke on the words before they reach my tongue. “Doing that to her. And then he would’ve killed him. He could be in prison right now, probably for the rest of his life, and she would still have had that thing happen to her. Her son would still be here. Everything would be the same, except Tommy would be behind bars, which probably means there would be no Hazel. And if Tommy was behind bars, Chris probably would be too, right? He would’ve followed, which means there wouldn’t be a Chris and Fox, and you already said how freakin’ happy he is with her.”
“Myactions directly led to what happened to her, Rose! You can come up with a thousand ‘yeah buts’, but none of ‘em change what she went through back then. It doesn’t change how shitty Eliza feels for being a bitch to her when she came back. Or the guilt Tommy feels, because he was so fuckin’ mad, even though, all along, she was protecting us. Or the guiltIfeel because?—”
“You were hurting.” Tears trickle along the back of my throat and turn my words raspy. “You were mad she left, and you were even madder she broke Tommy’s heart after everything he’d already been through. Yourempathy and ability to care about your friends isn’t something you should feel bad for, Ollie. You were working with the information you had, and when you had more, Iknowyou did everything you could to make amends.”
“There are no amends great enough to make up for what happened,” he groans. “There aren’t enough books I can buy, or babies I can deliver, or?—”
“She’s happy.” I lay my hand over his mouth and gently brush his lips closed. “She’s so freakin’ happy, Ollie. She has that little boy with the giant brain and cute glasses who looks at her like she hung the moon and the stars, and she has her husband and the sweet little girl they made together. She moved to New York and met her best friend in the whole world. If she’d never gone to New York, she wouldn’t have met Fox, and if she never met Fox, then Fox and Chrisdefinitelywouldn’t be happily sneaking out of class to do naughty things.”
“It’s easy to simplify things when you slide in at the end and see only the good bits.”
“Perspective matters, and Alana…” I draw my hands back, cupping his cheeks. “Alana smiles when she speaks of you.”
His brows wrinkle, emotion turning his eyes glassy. “Really?”
“Really. So even after everything that happened to her, she doesn’t blame you.” I drag the pad of my thumb under his thick bottom lip. Too intimate. Too close. And yet, when he places his hands on my hips, I melt into his touch. “She had to wade through hell to get to her happy ending. And Fox had to wait in New York, lonely and a little lost, before she could find hers.”
“And you?” His eyes flicker between mine. “Getting hit by a car. Landing in my hospital…”
“I guess I’m still walking my path.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and inch closer. Closer to his. Until I taste the leafy smoothie on his breath. “But I like where I am. And I’m especially thankful you’re walking with me.”
The phone rings on the wall, startling me back a full step and trapping the oxygen somewhere between my lungs and my throat. “Jesus!”
Ollie releases a pent-up sigh, dropping his head, then dropping his hands. My body breaks out in goosebumps all over. But the blush, the humiliation sprinting through my veins, combats the cold and makes up for the warmth I’ve lost. The phone silences, then it trills again, and outside, a thunderclap booms, lightning illuminating the sky.
“Well, that’s not ominous at all.” I plop back onto my stool and groan. “Shit.”
Ollie stands with slow, unenthused movements and trudges aroundthe counter, then he picks up the phone and brings it to his ear. “Whoever this is, you could’ve texted. Normal people don’t call these days.”
I plunk my elbows on the counter and my head in my hands.God. I stood between his legs… I held his face! How stupid am I?!
“Tonight?” Ollie rumbles. “Are you sure?”
I’m not hungry. Not even a little, but I pick up my fork and break off a chunk of ham. If I eat enough, I might sleep all night. If I sleep past six, I won’t have to face another human again until tomorrow evening. And who knows? By then, maybe Ollie will have forgotten how much of an idiot I am.
“You want me to bring her?” Ollie snarls.
I exhale a shuddering, aching breath and bring my eyes up, stopping on Ollie’s enraged expression. His flexing hands and the area around his mouth, right where I touched a moment ago, now pale in response to his gritted jaw.
